It took me a few weeks, but I am now facing up to the fact that I feel I am back to square one (yes, irony of squares in my life noted!)! I can hardly begin to fathom that I have spent nearly the past nine months believing in the possibility that I was close to realizing my dream only to wake up and feel as if it is as far away as it ever was!
I don't even know where to begin, how to begin, to start over again... I felt desperate to be able to cry my eyes out today for just my lack and loss, but damn it, God wouldn't allow me to do even that! (sorry, probably shouldn't be using the word damn and God in the same sentence!)
I got down on my knees, prayed (more like begged!) for God to HELP ME, began to feel the tears well up in my eyes, only to be told that my greatest good is coming to me, that it is on its way...
I listened, but because it is hard to feel faithful when it feels like your world seems so hopeless, I asked God to send me a clear and understandable sign within the next week or so to really help me know that His words are true!
So, I will be looking for something out of the ordinary, a random event - a thing seen, felt, read, heard - that feels like synchronicity is occurring... and I will have that sign as my reason to keep believing in dreaming miracles.
I wish I had the happy ending to my story already, but all I can do is be thankful for the fact that my story still doesn't have its ending and, because of that, the possibility still exists for a happy one!
No comments:
Post a Comment