Saturday, September 23, 2017

Dreaming Miracles

"Whatever you vividly imagine, ardently desire, sincerely believe, and enthusiastically act upon... must inevitably come to pass!" ~ Paul J. Meyer

I made the call!!! I called the fertility clinic where - eight years ago! just two weeks shy of my 46th birthday! - I had 8 oocytes and 1 germinal vesicle cell retrieved and cryopreserved. I set up an appointment to talk with the doctor who did my procedure back in 2009. We will have a consultation on Friday - a week away! - to talk about the next steps on my journey of having my babies!

When I have my phone consult with my fertility doctor I will be just two days shy of my 54th birthday - October 1st.

I'm completely excited that Life is propelling me towards the continuation of following my dreams, but I still have so much left to be conquered (nothing like slaying a lot more dragons to get me pumped up!). Like, soooooo much more!

First, I'm in menopause so I know that I will have to be jacked up with a lot of meds to put myself in a position of being able to carry a baby.

Second, I have found out in the last few years that I have two gene "markers" - the MTHFR gene mutation AND I'm homozygous for the COMT gene - that are going to be big obstacles to overcome. Both MTHFR and COMT affect fertility and being able to carry a child full term, as well as, having a healthy baby. But between my GP doctor, an internist, and her referral - a neurosurgeon by trade and biochemist by necessity - I feel that I could have no better help of achieving the best possible outcome for having a successful pregnancy and delivering healthy babies (I often write "babies" rather than "baby" because I feel as if I may have twins).

Third, I still don't know who the father of my children will be! I have a line-up of six potential guys - pretty big long shots in saying yes - but at least I know I've had the guts to get this far and I will have the guts to take a rejection until I get to my yes.

And fourth, I'm practically like a 16 year old girl who unexpectedly gets pregnant, feels very alone and has no idea what she is going to do - in all realms, but particularly, mental, physical, and financial  - in being able to actually have a baby and take care of that child for all of its life. I mean, I'm not in the greatest financial position to be having a child, but neither are many teen moms. I suppose in a perfect world - of which most everyone else I know seems to be in! - you and your spouse talk over when to bring a child into the world based on variables that make you feel most able. But Life has given me my particular journey and I don't have any of those variables in place. But just like the lost teen mom who puts her head down and just does what she needs to do for her child, I will do the same. It's too late in the game for me to wait any longer for a "best time" scenario. I have to understand that this IS the time and let the rest of the best part of it find me!

I'm not planning on doing the procedure until January or February - I need the interim months to help my body overcome the MTHFR and COMT gene problem through supplementation - but I want to talk to the doctor now to let him be prepared for taking me - a 54 year old menopausal women with gene problems - on and figuring out how he is going to be a part of allowing a true miracle to happen!

I started writing Dreaming Miracles in January of 2010 to chronicle my journey towards a miracle... I've said many times before that story was still being written... well, now, I think I'm heading into the last few chapters of the book. 

Monday, September 4, 2017

Anonymous Deception

"Problems are only opportunities with thorns on them."
~ Hugh Miller

This is why I know the anonymous sperm donor route isn't for me... it's not just that I want to know who the father of my children will be, it's the deception that can surround anonymity. Deception can surround anything, but I'd like to try to alleviate it as much as I might. As I've said before, the anonymous donor sperm route is right for many woman - it's their blessing! - just not me. I'm not the type of person - maybe the brave enough type of person - to do it. Even if it should mean I don't get the children I so desperately want, I won't do it. We all have to make our own decisions... this is one personal decision I made long ago. My prayers have been said... now I'm just waiting for the answer.