Tuesday, June 6, 2017

Cliff Diving

"Never, never, never give up!" ~ Winston Churchill

Oh my gosh, it has been so long since I last posted. I'm actually kind of shocked out how quickly time has swept past me. I don't have any real good excuse for not writing. I mean, I guess things had slowed down to a near slug crawl, but the slug's still crawling.

The biggest thing - the thing I should have written about when it happened - was that I fell off a cliff... it was a pretty high cliff; it was a pretty long and hard fall... and it hurt... badly. But it wasn't my whole body that took that unexpected nose-dive, it was just my fertility. I went straight from "fertile-myrtle" to post-menopause.

One month I was still in that fertile window of opportunity, and the next month it was if I was shot into a different orbit. The orbit of infertility.

I had always thought that menopause was a stage kind of thing. As in, you were pre-menopausal, then menopausal, then post-menopausal; that menopause lasted a few years. That even when entering menopause you still had times where you might have a period until finally after a couple of years the time came where - after one full year of not having a period - you were given the full-on title of Menopausal and then the "post" followed.

I was wrong. And it was depressing.

I'm sure at the time - and gosh, it's probably been a year-and-a-half now - I went into full-on "woe is me" syndrome, but eventually I reminded myself that I still had nine frozen eggs cryopreserved in Chicago.

And then whenever I bemoaned the fact that I had so few eggs to count on in making my dream of having a child come true, I always remembered the anesthesiologist who encountered me sobbing uncontrollably in the hallway of the clinic after my egg retrieval. When he asked what was wrong and I said that the doctor was only able to get nine viable eggs from me, he said, "It only takes one good egg to make a baby."

Presently I'm strategizing on my new game plan. I've got a lot of things to figure out. I'm 53 1/2, and, Lord, I've gotta start figuring more quickly now. 

Stay tuned: I am going to be pregnant in my 54th year. 

Tuesday, October 25, 2016


"God gives us dreams a size too big so that we can grow in them. " ~ Unknown

Okay, I think I noted pretty much from the start of this blog that I'm not really a "feminist," at least not in the sense of what I think a "real" feminist probably thinks. Like, unless I thought hard, I don't know that I've ever felt discriminated against on the basis of my gender; never feeling like being a girl held me back from anything I wanted to do, nor that I was over-looked, or my talents and ability any less appreciated than some guy. But scanning those nooks and crannies of my memory, I do recall there was a time in high school - it was my junior year so that would be the late 70's - when the student body was allowed to have an a novel thing called an "Open Forum."

The Open Forum was set up for the entire school - about 600 students - to gather together, fill up the gym's bleachers and be able to ask questions or share grievances with the school's administrators, teachers and leadership. A podium, with a mic, was set up at the far end of the gym and you could get in line and when one student finished speaking about what was on their mind another student could walk up to the podium and express whatever it was they wanted to say. Other than a few Student Government Association leaders, kids weren't clamoring to be in that line. I mean, it was high school, if you got up to the mic you were going to be in front of - and judged! - by every single freshman, sophomore, junior and senior in the place. I sat in the bleachers with the rest of the school ready to snark and laugh at whatever "goodie-two-shoes" had enough nerve to put themselves out there for the ridicule that was sure to follow.

But outside of any other consideration, everyone was excited to be in the gym sitting at the Open Forum because it meant we weren't sitting in our math, English, history or religion classes (I went to a Catholic school); the Open Forum had been highly anticipated on our school calendar because of the welcome disruption to our schedule. 

So many years have passed since then that I can't recount exactly the turn of events - I think it had something to do with our Athletic Director, Coach E., enthusiastically discussing the brand new weight room that had been added onto the boy's locker room and how great it was going to be for our loser (he didn't use that term) football team. But however it happened, I must have felt he was giving out one too many accolades to our inept gridiron boys over the back-to-back-to-back State Champion girl's basketball team that I played on. All the sudden I was no longer just a bored student body member in the gym; my ears perked up enough to actually listen and then I had heard enough wherein I believe steam started coming out of them. The next thing I knew I was stepping over people to climb down from the bleacher and be the next student in line for the podium!

I was a shy girl back in high school. I was a star athlete in three different sports, but outside of sports I'm not sure if I could have clearly enunciated a thought, much less an opinion. But when our Athletic Director started droning on about the boy's sports teams and their beautiful new locker room all I could think of was how pitiful the girl's locker room was. Girls just didn't take showers after P.E. class because all we had was cold water. I don't know if our cold water misery was because the water heater was over on the boy's side of the gym so that by the time it reached us all the hot water had been used up, or because the boy's had a hot water heater and we didn't, but the fact was the fact: they had a nice new addition to their locker room AND hot water!

When it was my turn I stepped to the mic, looked around the packed gym, turned to Coach E. and asked him if he had ever heard of a law enacted a few years earlier called Title IX? I didn't wait for his answer. I just explained to the assembled students what it was - a comprehensive federal law that prohibited discrimination on the basis of sex in any federally funded education program or activity. I reiterated to the student body that because we went to a private Catholic school our Athletic Director and leaders didn't need to adhere to the letter of the law, but that their blatant dismissal of the intent of the law shouldn't be anything to be proud of. I bluntly asked him to explain to all the students why the girls seemed to be treated in a second class manor? Though, I continued, we would probably overcome it - just like we had been doing - and bring home another State Championship! The gym erupted in cheers! As I turned to walk back to my seat in the bleachers I saw Coach E. turn a nice, burnt red and heard him fumble through trying to spin an answer to my question. With each high-five a kid gave me, as I took my seat, I thought, game. set. match.

But, yeah, outside of having to dig deep to recall that story of gender inequity - of which I never felt me, or our championship winning team, were ever really victims - I've never thought too much about gender discrimination. Until now. Until I read this article about the fashion designer, Tom Ford in the Hollywood Reporter magazine. 

The article was about Mr. Ford's transitioning from fashion into making films, but what caught my attention was the following paragraph, "At some point, he might even find time to drop by L.A., where he has made a home with his longtime partner and husband of two years, Richard Buckley, 68, and their 4-year-old son, Jack." That paragraph had followed the one in which Mr. Ford's age was stated as 55 years old. So, I thought, wow, Tom Ford was able to adopt a son at age 51... and, then, his partner is 13 years older! But I was surprised at how "no-news" that information was in the article. I mean, I've seen, throughout the years, when an older woman gets pregnant - even if her husband is considerably younger - she gets crucified for being so selfish as to have a child at an older age, but I have yet to come across the same kind of ageism or gender discrimination against Tom Ford and his 68 year old partner for having a child late in life... and, to me, I feel it's wonderful for Tom Ford and his partner, but that seems like absolute bias. Like, why is Tom Ford at 51 and his partner at age 64 having a child a-okay, but when a women does the same thing she is selfish and doesn't have the interest of the child at heart?

Maybe I'm wrong - I often am! - but it just seems like one of the very rare times where I actually feel like a women is discriminated against for wanting or having a child at an older age and a man is not. Like, the same principles don't apply purely based on gender. What do you think? 

Thursday, October 20, 2016

Amen, Sister!

"All my life I had been looking for something, and everywhere I turned someone tried to tell me what it was. I accepted their answers too, though they were often in contradiction and even self-contradictory. I was naïve. I was looking for myself and asking everyone except myself questions which I, and only I, could answer. It took me a long time and much painful boomeranging of my expectations to achieve a realization everyone else appears to have been born with: that I am nobody but myself." ~ Ralph Ellison


Monday, October 3, 2016

God and Babies

"I have learned that success is to be measured not so much by the position one has reached in life as by the obstacles which one has overcome while trying to succeed." ~ Booker T. Washington

This is an inspiring story for any woman that wants to get pregnant later in life. And cheers to God and babies!

Wednesday, July 20, 2016


"When it is obvious that the goals cannot be reached, don't adjust the goals, adjust the action steps." ~ Confucius

Well, this is exciting news!!! Hooray for Science!

Tuesday, July 12, 2016

The Possibility

"It’s the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting." ~ Paulo Coelho

I can't believe nine years has passed since this occurred! I was happy for this woman back then and I'm even happier  knowing more of what her story is about now. 

Friday, June 10, 2016


"Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul - and sings the tunes without the words - and never stops at all." ~ Emily Dickinson

This article helped me get out of my five day funk... though I have to say, it kinda freaked me out that it was from AARP!😳 It's a really good and inspiring read, though!