"Then God said to Abraham, "Why did Sarah laugh? Why did she say, 'Can an old woman like me have a baby?' Is anything too hard for God?" Genesis 18:13-14
Well, this is interesting. Sometimes, I too feel like a "Sarah."
Monday, January 28, 2013
Sunday, January 27, 2013
Guided
"Some men see things as they are and say 'why'? Others dream things that never were and say 'why not'?" ~ George Bernard Shaw
If you've read my blog for very long you know that I am a big believer in "signs," those random, unusual occurrences, that synchronistically bring some guidance or needed knowledge which one is seeking.
Recently I began reading a book my sister gave me called, Spirited. In the book the author talks about the Spirit Guides and Angels that surround each of us all of the time.
I had always thanked God for giving me my "signs" when I asked Him for them, without realizing that my Spirit Guides and Angels can give me the "signs" I ask for as well.
So, the other night I decided to talk to my Spirit Guides and the Angels surrounding me. I asked them to come to me in my dreams that night with the date of something I hoped would happen in my near future.
I told them that I needed to be provided with a clear understanding of the date. I continued by saying, that in my dream if I were able to view a calendar with the month shown and the day circled that that would be the clearest possible way for me to understand! However, I added, if it isn't possible to show me a calendar with the month and day (after all, I didn't want to presume to tell my Spirit Guides or Angels how they should go about doing something!), then for them to give me numbers that let me clearly know the date. I also mentioned that I would not only need to have the numbers come to me in my dream, but I would have to remember the dream when I woke up in the morning!
I then thanked them in advance for coming to me in my dreams while I slept and for providing me with the date I wanted to know of. Then I turned out my light and went to bed.
During the night I woke up several times, and though dreaming heavily, I had no dream of calendars or dates or even numbers. Each time as I fell back to sleep I reminded my Spirit Guides and Angels that I was still expecting them to come to me in a dream and give me the date I was asking about; the date of when this potential future event might take place.
I woke up around 8:00 a.m. and thought that I was awake enough to get up. I did not have a dream with any dates or numbers. As I was thinking about things I grew sleepy and, because I had no reason to actually get up, I decided I would turn over and see if I could fall back to sleep, which I quickly did.
I next woke up around 9:15 a.m. As I was awakening I remembered the dream I had just woken up from. I can't remember all of the details but I very vividly remembered being giving first one playing card and then another. I can't say what suite the first card I was given was, but the card I was given was the number six card. I was then handed a second playing card. When I looked at the second card I was given, it was the number nine card. In my dream I remember thinking, I was given the six card first and that was followed by the nine card. I remember specifically recognizing that the six preceded the nine. When I woke up and thought about my dream I knew instantly that my Spirit Guides and Angels had given me the date I was asking for - 6/9 - June, 9th!
Now is the interesting part - I wait! June 9th seems like an awful long time away from now (and much longer than I was anticipating when I made the request), but I can't do anything about that, so I must just decide to be patient. Will what I asked about occur on June 9th? Will some "big" event happen on that day? I have no idea. But I am learning to trust, to have faith, that when I ask for a sign and get it I'm expected to believe and not doubt!!!
So, that is what I will do. I will believe that, yes, something important for my life is going to happen on June 9th. I have four and a half months to wait to find out what it is exactly that is going to happen on that day, a Sunday, by the way. And now you have four and half months to wait and find out as well!
The story continues...
(By the way, yes, it is rare (if ever!) that I have had dreams that made me aware of numbers!)
Recently I began reading a book my sister gave me called, Spirited. In the book the author talks about the Spirit Guides and Angels that surround each of us all of the time.
I had always thanked God for giving me my "signs" when I asked Him for them, without realizing that my Spirit Guides and Angels can give me the "signs" I ask for as well.
So, the other night I decided to talk to my Spirit Guides and the Angels surrounding me. I asked them to come to me in my dreams that night with the date of something I hoped would happen in my near future.
I told them that I needed to be provided with a clear understanding of the date. I continued by saying, that in my dream if I were able to view a calendar with the month shown and the day circled that that would be the clearest possible way for me to understand! However, I added, if it isn't possible to show me a calendar with the month and day (after all, I didn't want to presume to tell my Spirit Guides or Angels how they should go about doing something!), then for them to give me numbers that let me clearly know the date. I also mentioned that I would not only need to have the numbers come to me in my dream, but I would have to remember the dream when I woke up in the morning!
I then thanked them in advance for coming to me in my dreams while I slept and for providing me with the date I wanted to know of. Then I turned out my light and went to bed.
During the night I woke up several times, and though dreaming heavily, I had no dream of calendars or dates or even numbers. Each time as I fell back to sleep I reminded my Spirit Guides and Angels that I was still expecting them to come to me in a dream and give me the date I was asking about; the date of when this potential future event might take place.
I woke up around 8:00 a.m. and thought that I was awake enough to get up. I did not have a dream with any dates or numbers. As I was thinking about things I grew sleepy and, because I had no reason to actually get up, I decided I would turn over and see if I could fall back to sleep, which I quickly did.
I next woke up around 9:15 a.m. As I was awakening I remembered the dream I had just woken up from. I can't remember all of the details but I very vividly remembered being giving first one playing card and then another. I can't say what suite the first card I was given was, but the card I was given was the number six card. I was then handed a second playing card. When I looked at the second card I was given, it was the number nine card. In my dream I remember thinking, I was given the six card first and that was followed by the nine card. I remember specifically recognizing that the six preceded the nine. When I woke up and thought about my dream I knew instantly that my Spirit Guides and Angels had given me the date I was asking for - 6/9 - June, 9th!
Now is the interesting part - I wait! June 9th seems like an awful long time away from now (and much longer than I was anticipating when I made the request), but I can't do anything about that, so I must just decide to be patient. Will what I asked about occur on June 9th? Will some "big" event happen on that day? I have no idea. But I am learning to trust, to have faith, that when I ask for a sign and get it I'm expected to believe and not doubt!!!
So, that is what I will do. I will believe that, yes, something important for my life is going to happen on June 9th. I have four and a half months to wait to find out what it is exactly that is going to happen on that day, a Sunday, by the way. And now you have four and half months to wait and find out as well!
The story continues...
(By the way, yes, it is rare (if ever!) that I have had dreams that made me aware of numbers!)
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Saturday, January 19, 2013
Unexpected
"When odds are one in a million, be that one." ~ Anonymous
Okay, something is going on! Another unexpected check came in the mail. It wasn't for much, just $22.26 - reimbursement of interest from October of 2011 - but it is still money arriving to me when I have no reason to expect such a thing to occur! And yes, I find it very interesting...
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Resend
"Flaming enthusiasm, backed by horse sense and persistence, is the quality that most frequently makes for success." ~ Dale Carnegie
I just now took a deep breath and resent the email I had written my friend H.B. back in mid-October regarding asking him once again (it is my third time!) if he would be my sperm donor. The resend was because he never answered me back!
If nothing else, you can't say I'm not persistent (although he might use the term, annoying! : ) ). I will once again wait to see, what, if anything, transpires...
P.S. Good ol' Dale Carnegie, what would I do with out him all these years? Be less wise and lighthearted, I think.
If nothing else, you can't say I'm not persistent (although he might use the term, annoying! : ) ). I will once again wait to see, what, if anything, transpires...
P.S. Good ol' Dale Carnegie, what would I do with out him all these years? Be less wise and lighthearted, I think.
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
WOW
"There are no mistakes, no coincidences. All events are blessings given to us to learn from." ~ Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
Wow, I just got another, so off the wall, sign I'm not sure I can even begin to explain it. But I'll try (although I can't reveal the whole story as it is too personal of a sign).
I just came across a post by a friend on Facebook, whom I've known pretty much my whole life, but have probably not seen or spoken to in fifteen years (maybe longer).
She doesn't always come up in my newsfeed (you know how that is) but tonight she posted an amateur youtube video performance of this street performer she had seen and wrote, "Somehow this disappeared off my page.... wanted to repost for all those that missed it! ___________ street performer, ____________.... definitely worth watching! Of course filming quality not the best, but hopefully you will get a sense of his talent and charm!!! :)"
And yes, her reposting of it was necessary as I did not see it the first time she posted and their was a sign in it for me to receive - the name of the song!!! I can't believe what the song was called! I had a such a deep connection to the name of the song - not at all a generic-type of song title (sorry I have to be so vague). Mind you, this was a street performer singing a song either he or a friend had written, of which I had never heard.
I wanted to know exactly what the lyrics said, but I was extremely doubtful that even if I googled the song title the actual lyrics would come up as it was such an amateur video. But nevertheless, I once again went to Google and typed in the name of the song. Only one webpage came up siting the lyric's to a song by that title and I clicked on it.
When the webpage came up and I read the lyrics it was as if I felt the song's sole intention was to connect me with a scenario only I would understand!
And the amazing thing is that I found out a few minute's later that the lyrics found when I googled the song's title were not even the same lyrics sung by the street performer (the lyrics he sung are probably only written on yellow, legal-size pad left on the coffee table at the friend's house he slept on the couch at, and, of course, kept in his mind!).
The incredible thing is, I got my sign from the "wrong" song! And the lyrics (with the same title as the street performer's song) I found on google were so obscure that there was only one web link for it out of 11,600,000 results!
I don't even know if I am able to rationally explain to you the amazing nature of this particular sign! All I can say is, Wow, just wow!!!
And another thing happened as I had been viewing Facebook tonight and I can't say that it was a sign but it DEFINITELY was a coincidence and you know how I feel about coincidences - there are none! Everything has meaning!
I randomly came across a very interesting situation. I'll just write here what happened exactly as I posted it on my Facebook page:
"How is it even possible that I could have a friend from middle school (S. W.) in ____________(*city and state I grew up in) who now lives in ____________(*far, far away state) have a mutual friend in common with a guy I met 25 years ago when I traveled to Mardi Gras in New Orleans, who was from D.C., graduated from Dartmouth (A. M.) and now lives in ___________ (*far, far away state from the other two states!)??? Facebookland, you are a strange and interesting world to be a part of!!!"
Yeah, like I said, I'm not really taking that as a sign (although I probably should since it is so "out" there and that's kind of how signs are: really, really random and unusual!). I guess I wasn't taking it as sign because I just can't figure out what the meaning of it is. Hmm... I'll have to think about that...
So, very interesting, strangely curious night. I like it!!!
*of course since this is an anonymous blog I took out the names of the city and states, whereas on my F.B. page I just wrote out the cities - no need for what I have written in the parentheses above.
As an afterthought, I should say just finding the apropos quote for this post was a coincidence in itself!
Yep, I'd say tonight was a good "sign" night : ) And a nice feeling of gratitude to go to sleep with.
I just came across a post by a friend on Facebook, whom I've known pretty much my whole life, but have probably not seen or spoken to in fifteen years (maybe longer).
She doesn't always come up in my newsfeed (you know how that is) but tonight she posted an amateur youtube video performance of this street performer she had seen and wrote, "Somehow this disappeared off my page.... wanted to repost for all those that missed it! ___________ street performer, ____________.... definitely worth watching! Of course filming quality not the best, but hopefully you will get a sense of his talent and charm!!! :)"
And yes, her reposting of it was necessary as I did not see it the first time she posted and their was a sign in it for me to receive - the name of the song!!! I can't believe what the song was called! I had a such a deep connection to the name of the song - not at all a generic-type of song title (sorry I have to be so vague). Mind you, this was a street performer singing a song either he or a friend had written, of which I had never heard.
I wanted to know exactly what the lyrics said, but I was extremely doubtful that even if I googled the song title the actual lyrics would come up as it was such an amateur video. But nevertheless, I once again went to Google and typed in the name of the song. Only one webpage came up siting the lyric's to a song by that title and I clicked on it.
When the webpage came up and I read the lyrics it was as if I felt the song's sole intention was to connect me with a scenario only I would understand!
And the amazing thing is that I found out a few minute's later that the lyrics found when I googled the song's title were not even the same lyrics sung by the street performer (the lyrics he sung are probably only written on yellow, legal-size pad left on the coffee table at the friend's house he slept on the couch at, and, of course, kept in his mind!).
The incredible thing is, I got my sign from the "wrong" song! And the lyrics (with the same title as the street performer's song) I found on google were so obscure that there was only one web link for it out of 11,600,000 results!
I don't even know if I am able to rationally explain to you the amazing nature of this particular sign! All I can say is, Wow, just wow!!!
And another thing happened as I had been viewing Facebook tonight and I can't say that it was a sign but it DEFINITELY was a coincidence and you know how I feel about coincidences - there are none! Everything has meaning!
I randomly came across a very interesting situation. I'll just write here what happened exactly as I posted it on my Facebook page:
"How is it even possible that I could have a friend from middle school (S. W.) in ____________(*city and state I grew up in) who now lives in ____________(*far, far away state) have a mutual friend in common with a guy I met 25 years ago when I traveled to Mardi Gras in New Orleans, who was from D.C., graduated from Dartmouth (A. M.) and now lives in ___________ (*far, far away state from the other two states!)??? Facebookland, you are a strange and interesting world to be a part of!!!"
Yeah, like I said, I'm not really taking that as a sign (although I probably should since it is so "out" there and that's kind of how signs are: really, really random and unusual!). I guess I wasn't taking it as sign because I just can't figure out what the meaning of it is. Hmm... I'll have to think about that...
So, very interesting, strangely curious night. I like it!!!
*of course since this is an anonymous blog I took out the names of the city and states, whereas on my F.B. page I just wrote out the cities - no need for what I have written in the parentheses above.
As an afterthought, I should say just finding the apropos quote for this post was a coincidence in itself!
Yep, I'd say tonight was a good "sign" night : ) And a nice feeling of gratitude to go to sleep with.
Addendum
"Imagination is more important than knowledge." ~ Albert Einstein
Let me explain, I was born on October 1st, most commonly represented in my life (filling out my birthdate on a form, etc.) by the numbers, 10/01.
Well, as I was explaining, I started noticing in the past several years that I was seeing the number 10.01 all the time. Of course not ALL the time, but so often I became conscious that it was happening - randomly happening! It wasn't like I was staring at a clock and waiting for it to change from 10:00 a.m. to 10:01 a.m, for example, just that so many times when I did look up at a clock (and now days so many clocks are digital) the time did read 10:01. And when it happened again and again, and kept on happening to the point, where, as I said, I became conscious of it well, my consciousness began to think that it was strange!
Finally, about six months ago, and I'm not sure why this happened, or how it happened, because as I said I was not "into" numbers, but my thinking about seeing the number 10.01 changed. And it probably came about from my asking for and receiving signs, because as you know from reading this blog, I am a BIG believer in signs to help me keep faith-filled on my journey.
So, what eventually transpired, is that in my mind I decided that seeing 10:01 so frequently was strange, but it was no longer, "just random." And I made the decision (it must have come from my "higher self") that every time I saw the time (and it mostly occurred in relation to the time - on my phone, on my computer, on the digital clock on the stovetop, etc.) of 10:01 it would be a signal for me to start looking for a sign. It just organically happened that I took 10:01 as a sign to be on the lookout for signs!
Therefore, in some way, I guess I have "known" about numbers without "knowing" about numbers! Because I have been doing it: seeing a number as having meaning in my life for some time.
And I added this addendum to my, Quick!, post because after I had thought about it all, and I came to the above realization, it began to have even more relevance as to why I got my sign the other day; to the overall correlation between my journey of constantly seeing the number 10:01 and how that prepared me, unconsciously, as to how and why my thoughts played out the way they did when I saw 4:44 a.m. and ultimately how that led me to a sign I desperately need to "hear."
Once again, I remind you, there are no coincidences in life...
I wanted to write an addendum to my, Quick!, post from two days ago. I said I didn't know anything about numbers, and I don't, but I have had a "relationship" with a particular number for the past two years or so, and in the last six months I had given more thought to those numbers and decided what they meant to me.
Let me explain, I was born on October 1st, most commonly represented in my life (filling out my birthdate on a form, etc.) by the numbers, 10/01.
Well, as I was explaining, I started noticing in the past several years that I was seeing the number 10.01 all the time. Of course not ALL the time, but so often I became conscious that it was happening - randomly happening! It wasn't like I was staring at a clock and waiting for it to change from 10:00 a.m. to 10:01 a.m, for example, just that so many times when I did look up at a clock (and now days so many clocks are digital) the time did read 10:01. And when it happened again and again, and kept on happening to the point, where, as I said, I became conscious of it well, my consciousness began to think that it was strange!
Finally, about six months ago, and I'm not sure why this happened, or how it happened, because as I said I was not "into" numbers, but my thinking about seeing the number 10.01 changed. And it probably came about from my asking for and receiving signs, because as you know from reading this blog, I am a BIG believer in signs to help me keep faith-filled on my journey.
So, what eventually transpired, is that in my mind I decided that seeing 10:01 so frequently was strange, but it was no longer, "just random." And I made the decision (it must have come from my "higher self") that every time I saw the time (and it mostly occurred in relation to the time - on my phone, on my computer, on the digital clock on the stovetop, etc.) of 10:01 it would be a signal for me to start looking for a sign. It just organically happened that I took 10:01 as a sign to be on the lookout for signs!
Therefore, in some way, I guess I have "known" about numbers without "knowing" about numbers! Because I have been doing it: seeing a number as having meaning in my life for some time.
And I added this addendum to my, Quick!, post because after I had thought about it all, and I came to the above realization, it began to have even more relevance as to why I got my sign the other day; to the overall correlation between my journey of constantly seeing the number 10:01 and how that prepared me, unconsciously, as to how and why my thoughts played out the way they did when I saw 4:44 a.m. and ultimately how that led me to a sign I desperately need to "hear."
Once again, I remind you, there are no coincidences in life...
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
The Final Goodbye
"Wherever you go, go with all your heart." ~ Confucius
In my post titled, Here Today, Gone Tomorrow, written on January 5, 2013, I wrote that if I ever wrote about C. again you could just call me THE BIGGEST FREAK'N IDIOTIC WOMAN THAT EVER LIVED!!!
Well, I have to, as much as I hate to, confess that I did once more get close to C. Don't ask me how it happened. I mean, I can see how it happened, I have the emails that show me, I just can't really explain why it happened. Nevertheless, it did. It lasted for just a week and then the following occurred:
C. said his final goodbye...
*Deep sigh* It is with such mixed emotions that I write about this.
On the one hand, I fell in love and I hadn't had that feeling of diving to such a deep place in over ten years, and this depth was even deeper; it was to depths unknown; a depth I didn't have the capacity to fathom!
I have shared with you much of C.'s and my story, but really only a small sampling. There was so much of the story that I could only keep between he and I, and so you may not understand it when I say that, "we dove to the deepest of depths," you will just have to trust that we did. And so, I know I have lost that "diving" partner and it does feel like a sorrowful loss because, though many people pass in and out of our lives, there are very few that ever really reach into the core of our beings. C. was able to reach into the core of my being. And I felt blessed to have had that mental, spiritual, emotional and physical (yes, even physical!) intimacy with C.
And then there's the other hand, I feel relieved!
I feel like I can breath again. I had put so much of my heart and soul into being "there" for C. and into trying to allow our relationship to flourish, and what I got for it felt like a roller coaster ride. And though I like to ride a roller coaster at an amusement park like, Six Flags, for the thrill it gives, the excitement it incites, I do it very rarely... I'm a thrill-liker, not a thrill-seeker... I'm an even-keeled kind of person.
And so feeling like my relationship with C. was like being on a roller coaster was not a good feeling for me, especially ever since the end of November when his childhood love entered into our relationship. Then, it always felt, in the back of my mind, as if I was either in Limboland, or walking on egg shells, or both. And for whatever reason (and I think I tried!) I couldn't seem to let go of C. I think that's why I often am the one that gets broken up on; the one left brokenhearted (even when I attempt to do the breaking up first!) because I don't give up. I can't let go. I don't quit. It's my nature - to go to the end of something and just let the other person, or event, be the determiner of that end. I don't know if that's good or bad. It's probably both - at times good and at times bad.
But what I do know, is that however difficult the now is - the part where C. has left a hole... in my heart and in my life - it feels like it's probably a better place for me to be. I value myself too much to ever be anyone's second choice and it feels good to be free to be someone else's first.
You know, I have to be truthful about something. Dreaming Miracles is a blog about the truth of my life and the road (adventure!) I am on in manifesting my heart's desires. I wish I could skip over this little part of my life, but if I am to be totally honest, I just can't.
In my post titled, Here Today, Gone Tomorrow, written on January 5, 2013, I wrote that if I ever wrote about C. again you could just call me THE BIGGEST FREAK'N IDIOTIC WOMAN THAT EVER LIVED!!!
Well, I have to, as much as I hate to, confess that I did once more get close to C. Don't ask me how it happened. I mean, I can see how it happened, I have the emails that show me, I just can't really explain why it happened. Nevertheless, it did. It lasted for just a week and then the following occurred:
C. said his final goodbye...
*Deep sigh* It is with such mixed emotions that I write about this.
On the one hand, I fell in love and I hadn't had that feeling of diving to such a deep place in over ten years, and this depth was even deeper; it was to depths unknown; a depth I didn't have the capacity to fathom!
I have shared with you much of C.'s and my story, but really only a small sampling. There was so much of the story that I could only keep between he and I, and so you may not understand it when I say that, "we dove to the deepest of depths," you will just have to trust that we did. And so, I know I have lost that "diving" partner and it does feel like a sorrowful loss because, though many people pass in and out of our lives, there are very few that ever really reach into the core of our beings. C. was able to reach into the core of my being. And I felt blessed to have had that mental, spiritual, emotional and physical (yes, even physical!) intimacy with C.
And then there's the other hand, I feel relieved!
I feel like I can breath again. I had put so much of my heart and soul into being "there" for C. and into trying to allow our relationship to flourish, and what I got for it felt like a roller coaster ride. And though I like to ride a roller coaster at an amusement park like, Six Flags, for the thrill it gives, the excitement it incites, I do it very rarely... I'm a thrill-liker, not a thrill-seeker... I'm an even-keeled kind of person.
And so feeling like my relationship with C. was like being on a roller coaster was not a good feeling for me, especially ever since the end of November when his childhood love entered into our relationship. Then, it always felt, in the back of my mind, as if I was either in Limboland, or walking on egg shells, or both. And for whatever reason (and I think I tried!) I couldn't seem to let go of C. I think that's why I often am the one that gets broken up on; the one left brokenhearted (even when I attempt to do the breaking up first!) because I don't give up. I can't let go. I don't quit. It's my nature - to go to the end of something and just let the other person, or event, be the determiner of that end. I don't know if that's good or bad. It's probably both - at times good and at times bad.
But what I do know, is that however difficult the now is - the part where C. has left a hole... in my heart and in my life - it feels like it's probably a better place for me to be. I value myself too much to ever be anyone's second choice and it feels good to be free to be someone else's first.
Monday, January 14, 2013
Quick!
"Success is not measured by what you accomplish but by the opposition you have encountered, and the courage with which you have maintained the struggle against overwhelming odds." ~ Orison Swett Marden
Okay, that was quick! Yesterday I asked God to send me a clear and understandable sign within the next week or so to really help me know that His words are true!
I explained I would be looking for something out of the ordinary, a random event - a thing seen, felt, read, heard - that feels like synchronicity is occurring... and I will have that sign as my reason to keep believing in dreaming miracles.
And I got what I think are two signs before noon today! They may not be huge, but I didn't ask for huge, I just asked for clear and understandable! And to me because these two occurrences were so random and "out there" I couldn't help but take them as signs. Especially the first one.
It doesn't mean I won't be looking for more signs this week to help me in knowing that my faith will manifest my miracles - that God has heard me and will answer my prayers - just very grateful that He has already blessed me so quickly with signs to encourage me to be positive and stay true to the path that I am on.
So, now, let me explain the first sign.
When I go to bed at night I put my MacBook laptop computer to "sleep" and the screen goes black, then I shut the lid and it is "off." Last night I put my computer "to bed" sometime probably a little after midnight. Normally, at any time when I am not going to be using my computer for an extended period of time, i.e, even if it's during the day, I will put my computer to "sleep" to save energy.
And I have noticed over the years that when I lift the lid of my "sleeping" computer, even as the screen changes from black to light up at what ever screen I was last viewing, there is a few seconds before it completely "wakes up," and in that few seconds, if I happen to look at the clock at the top right of my computer screen, it will still have the time showing of when I had turned it "off'."
In other words, if I was viewing a webpage at 11:45 a.m. and then put the computer to "sleep" and closed the lid because I was going somewhere and wouldn't be back for awhile, when I did get back, say at 6:15 p.m., and opened the lid to my laptop the screen would go from black to lit up and the webpage I had been viewing would be right in front of me just as I had left it, and if I looked at the time after "waking" the computer, it would still read, 11:45 a.m. before it registered, a few seconds later, that it was actually 6:15PM.
The reason I am giving you this in depth description of the sleep/wake/time cycle of my laptop computer is because that is the scenario of how I got my first sign.
You see last night I was on my computer until a little bit after 12:00 a.m. If I had to guess, I'd ay about 12:10 a.m. was the time when I actually put my laptop into "sleep" mode and waited until the screen went black, then closed the lid and put it away. That seems about the right time because I was in bed and had my lights out by 12:30 a.m.
But now is where it gets interesting. When I woke up this morning and went through the ritual of getting my laptop, opening the lid, and watched as the screen slowly (just like me, after a long night of "sleep," it seems to take a bit longer for it to start functioning!) "woke up," for some reason I glanced up at the top, right hand corner - where the clock is -and it read: 4:44 a.m. When I saw that the time was 4:44 a.m. my first thought was, "That's strange. How could it be possible that the time would read 4:44 a.m. when I had turned the computer "off" at 12:10 a.m?" I mean, I continued thinking, "That just doesn't make sense to me. I don't understand. It should read 12:10 a.m., the time when I shut it down and closed the lid." And then because it was taking so long for the computer to actually fully "wake up" and let me start using it, the time of 4:44 a.m. just kept being up there on the screen. I continued to just think, "How strange!"
And then it was like an aha! moment and my mind said, "Doesn't the number 444 have something to do with God?" And I was unsure, but I thought that in my younger years I remembered kids saying that 666 was bad because it represented the Devil and 444 was good because it represented God. But then I was confused, thinking maybe it's the other way around, 666 represents God and 444 represents the Devil. Anyway, that was where my thought process was leading me so I decided that I would google, "what does 444 mean" and the first few websites that came up gave nearly identical answers. The first website was called, Intuitive Journal, and I clicked on it and this is what I read:
"444 is a very powerful number. It means that your angels are by your side and want the very best for you. They are asking that you pay attention very carefully to the signs that you see around you... 444 itself refers to an angelic presence surrounding you and taking comfort in the protection afforded you from the angels. Your angels are always near you, all you have to do is reach out to them with a thought, a thank you, or a wish or a prayer. No message goes unheard."
And then I looked at another website, Angel Numbers, and the meaning of the number 444 was explained as:
"Angel Number 444 asks that you pay attention to your intuition and inner-wisdom as your connection with your angels and the angelic realm is very strong at this time. You are encouraged to continue on your current path as your drive and determination will lead to success and fulfillment."
I don't know about numbers' meanings. I just saw something this morning as I opened up my laptop that felt "unusual," I then had a thought about that unusual feeling, and followed my thought process to websites that explained when you take note of seeing the number 444 you are surrounded by angels who are giving you love and support and are asking you to pay attention to the signs around you, and that you are encouraged that the path you are on will lead to success and fulfillment. I found that to be highly unusual!
So, yes, I will take that as a sign! I don't know that you would. Everyone of us is different and thus the way we perceive things is different - individualistic. Something that I may interpret as a sign for me would be completely different than what you would interpret as a sign for you. But, I have to say, that to me, at this time, needing to feel encouraged, needing to believe that God is hearing me, wanting to feel like my Dreaming Miracles journey has a purpose, wanting to keep my faith strong that my heart's desires - my dreams - will come true, that getting this sign was exactly the kind of thing I was hoping for; just what I had asked for!!!
I told you I also got a second sign. My second sign may not have been as interesting as my first, but it was still extraordinarily "unusual" and the timing was also a significant part of me taking it as another sign.
My second sign came from an envelope.
I had mail that I had left unopened for days and really wasn't paying attention to it. Nothing in the small stack of mail seemed particularly important. I literally had the mail (amongst various other items) on the floor outside my room - in the hall. I sometimes do that - put my chaos outside of my room - so inside my room it will be chaos-free and thus more peaceful and comforting (that in itself probably tells you something more about the psychology of me, but I can dwell on that in a different post!). I now can't even recall what made me pick up this envelope, I mean, it wasn't like I had cleaning, or clearing things up, on my mind.
But the envelope caught my eye and I think I thought that maybe I should open it because, although I didn't think I had any outstanding medical bills that hadn't been paid, it looked like it might be a medical bill. As I began to open it, again my mind was like, "What could this medical bill be from?" It had a return address with a medical name on it, but not from anyplace I was familiar with. Anyway, I tore the envelope open and looked at, not a bill, but a check in the amount of $90. The paper the check was attached to had no description of what service had been performed, or why I was being refunded the money. It was simply a check for $90!
Now, you might think, well, that is interesting, money just coming randomly in the mail, but why does she feel like it was a sign? And I'll tell you, I feel like it was a sign for one reason only: timing. I could have opened that envelope in any of the previous three or four days it had been lying there. And if I had opened the envelope on any of those previous days, I would have still been surprised and curious as to why I got the check, but I most likely would not have taken it as a sign. The reason I take it as a sign now is because I didn't open the envelope until today - the day right after I had asked God to send me a sign - something out of the ordinary that felt like synchronicity was occurring. And getting this random gift of money in the mail, while I was on the look out for my signs, believe me, definitely felt synchronistic!!!
So, yay! I got two signs right away that makes me feel renewed in my faith; rejuvenating my dreams! And as great a feeling as that is, it gets better... I still have a whole week or more to discover more signs that will give me more confidence that whatever path I am on, it is the right one!
UPDATE - January 21, 2013
I wanted to update this post to say, that every time over the past week I have looked at the time on my laptop as I opened it up, and in that brief second as the computer is "waking up," the time has ALWAYS been what it was when I turned my laptop off the night before!!! I am reminded that in this post I originally called seeing 4:44 a.m. as a definite sign, but I said that it might not be "huge" one. I now believe - no, know, it was HUGE - VERY HUGE!!!
Okay, that was quick! Yesterday I asked God to send me a clear and understandable sign within the next week or so to really help me know that His words are true!
I explained I would be looking for something out of the ordinary, a random event - a thing seen, felt, read, heard - that feels like synchronicity is occurring... and I will have that sign as my reason to keep believing in dreaming miracles.
And I got what I think are two signs before noon today! They may not be huge, but I didn't ask for huge, I just asked for clear and understandable! And to me because these two occurrences were so random and "out there" I couldn't help but take them as signs. Especially the first one.
It doesn't mean I won't be looking for more signs this week to help me in knowing that my faith will manifest my miracles - that God has heard me and will answer my prayers - just very grateful that He has already blessed me so quickly with signs to encourage me to be positive and stay true to the path that I am on.
So, now, let me explain the first sign.
When I go to bed at night I put my MacBook laptop computer to "sleep" and the screen goes black, then I shut the lid and it is "off." Last night I put my computer "to bed" sometime probably a little after midnight. Normally, at any time when I am not going to be using my computer for an extended period of time, i.e, even if it's during the day, I will put my computer to "sleep" to save energy.
And I have noticed over the years that when I lift the lid of my "sleeping" computer, even as the screen changes from black to light up at what ever screen I was last viewing, there is a few seconds before it completely "wakes up," and in that few seconds, if I happen to look at the clock at the top right of my computer screen, it will still have the time showing of when I had turned it "off'."
In other words, if I was viewing a webpage at 11:45 a.m. and then put the computer to "sleep" and closed the lid because I was going somewhere and wouldn't be back for awhile, when I did get back, say at 6:15 p.m., and opened the lid to my laptop the screen would go from black to lit up and the webpage I had been viewing would be right in front of me just as I had left it, and if I looked at the time after "waking" the computer, it would still read, 11:45 a.m. before it registered, a few seconds later, that it was actually 6:15PM.
The reason I am giving you this in depth description of the sleep/wake/time cycle of my laptop computer is because that is the scenario of how I got my first sign.
You see last night I was on my computer until a little bit after 12:00 a.m. If I had to guess, I'd ay about 12:10 a.m. was the time when I actually put my laptop into "sleep" mode and waited until the screen went black, then closed the lid and put it away. That seems about the right time because I was in bed and had my lights out by 12:30 a.m.
But now is where it gets interesting. When I woke up this morning and went through the ritual of getting my laptop, opening the lid, and watched as the screen slowly (just like me, after a long night of "sleep," it seems to take a bit longer for it to start functioning!) "woke up," for some reason I glanced up at the top, right hand corner - where the clock is -and it read: 4:44 a.m. When I saw that the time was 4:44 a.m. my first thought was, "That's strange. How could it be possible that the time would read 4:44 a.m. when I had turned the computer "off" at 12:10 a.m?" I mean, I continued thinking, "That just doesn't make sense to me. I don't understand. It should read 12:10 a.m., the time when I shut it down and closed the lid." And then because it was taking so long for the computer to actually fully "wake up" and let me start using it, the time of 4:44 a.m. just kept being up there on the screen. I continued to just think, "How strange!"
And then it was like an aha! moment and my mind said, "Doesn't the number 444 have something to do with God?" And I was unsure, but I thought that in my younger years I remembered kids saying that 666 was bad because it represented the Devil and 444 was good because it represented God. But then I was confused, thinking maybe it's the other way around, 666 represents God and 444 represents the Devil. Anyway, that was where my thought process was leading me so I decided that I would google, "what does 444 mean" and the first few websites that came up gave nearly identical answers. The first website was called, Intuitive Journal, and I clicked on it and this is what I read:
"444 is a very powerful number. It means that your angels are by your side and want the very best for you. They are asking that you pay attention very carefully to the signs that you see around you... 444 itself refers to an angelic presence surrounding you and taking comfort in the protection afforded you from the angels. Your angels are always near you, all you have to do is reach out to them with a thought, a thank you, or a wish or a prayer. No message goes unheard."
And then I looked at another website, Angel Numbers, and the meaning of the number 444 was explained as:
"Angel Number 444 asks that you pay attention to your intuition and inner-wisdom as your connection with your angels and the angelic realm is very strong at this time. You are encouraged to continue on your current path as your drive and determination will lead to success and fulfillment."
So, yes, I will take that as a sign! I don't know that you would. Everyone of us is different and thus the way we perceive things is different - individualistic. Something that I may interpret as a sign for me would be completely different than what you would interpret as a sign for you. But, I have to say, that to me, at this time, needing to feel encouraged, needing to believe that God is hearing me, wanting to feel like my Dreaming Miracles journey has a purpose, wanting to keep my faith strong that my heart's desires - my dreams - will come true, that getting this sign was exactly the kind of thing I was hoping for; just what I had asked for!!!
I told you I also got a second sign. My second sign may not have been as interesting as my first, but it was still extraordinarily "unusual" and the timing was also a significant part of me taking it as another sign.
My second sign came from an envelope.
I had mail that I had left unopened for days and really wasn't paying attention to it. Nothing in the small stack of mail seemed particularly important. I literally had the mail (amongst various other items) on the floor outside my room - in the hall. I sometimes do that - put my chaos outside of my room - so inside my room it will be chaos-free and thus more peaceful and comforting (that in itself probably tells you something more about the psychology of me, but I can dwell on that in a different post!). I now can't even recall what made me pick up this envelope, I mean, it wasn't like I had cleaning, or clearing things up, on my mind.
But the envelope caught my eye and I think I thought that maybe I should open it because, although I didn't think I had any outstanding medical bills that hadn't been paid, it looked like it might be a medical bill. As I began to open it, again my mind was like, "What could this medical bill be from?" It had a return address with a medical name on it, but not from anyplace I was familiar with. Anyway, I tore the envelope open and looked at, not a bill, but a check in the amount of $90. The paper the check was attached to had no description of what service had been performed, or why I was being refunded the money. It was simply a check for $90!
Now, you might think, well, that is interesting, money just coming randomly in the mail, but why does she feel like it was a sign? And I'll tell you, I feel like it was a sign for one reason only: timing. I could have opened that envelope in any of the previous three or four days it had been lying there. And if I had opened the envelope on any of those previous days, I would have still been surprised and curious as to why I got the check, but I most likely would not have taken it as a sign. The reason I take it as a sign now is because I didn't open the envelope until today - the day right after I had asked God to send me a sign - something out of the ordinary that felt like synchronicity was occurring. And getting this random gift of money in the mail, while I was on the look out for my signs, believe me, definitely felt synchronistic!!!
So, yay! I got two signs right away that makes me feel renewed in my faith; rejuvenating my dreams! And as great a feeling as that is, it gets better... I still have a whole week or more to discover more signs that will give me more confidence that whatever path I am on, it is the right one!
UPDATE - January 21, 2013
I wanted to update this post to say, that every time over the past week I have looked at the time on my laptop as I opened it up, and in that brief second as the computer is "waking up," the time has ALWAYS been what it was when I turned my laptop off the night before!!! I am reminded that in this post I originally called seeing 4:44 a.m. as a definite sign, but I said that it might not be "huge" one. I now believe - no, know, it was HUGE - VERY HUGE!!!
Sunday, January 13, 2013
Spinning
"Let me tell you the secret that has led me to my goal. My strength lies solely in my tenacity. " ~ Louis Pasteur
I'm so lost right now I feel like I'm trying to spin in squares (yes, that is how lost I am, I can't even spin in circles!)!!!
It took me a few weeks, but I am now facing up to the fact that I feel I am back to square one (yes, irony of squares in my life noted!)! I can hardly begin to fathom that I have spent nearly the past nine months believing in the possibility that I was close to realizing my dream only to wake up and feel as if it is as far away as it ever was!
I don't even know where to begin, how to begin, to start over again... I felt desperate to be able to cry my eyes out today for just my lack and loss, but damn it, God wouldn't allow me to do even that! (sorry, probably shouldn't be using the word damn and God in the same sentence!)
I got down on my knees, prayed (more like begged!) for God to HELP ME, began to feel the tears well up in my eyes, only to be told that my greatest good is coming to me, that it is on its way...
I listened, but because it is hard to feel faithful when it feels like your world seems so hopeless, I asked God to send me a clear and understandable sign within the next week or so to really help me know that His words are true!
So, I will be looking for something out of the ordinary, a random event - a thing seen, felt, read, heard - that feels like synchronicity is occurring... and I will have that sign as my reason to keep believing in dreaming miracles.
I wish I had the happy ending to my story already, but all I can do is be thankful for the fact that my story still doesn't have its ending and, because of that, the possibility still exists for a happy one!
It took me a few weeks, but I am now facing up to the fact that I feel I am back to square one (yes, irony of squares in my life noted!)! I can hardly begin to fathom that I have spent nearly the past nine months believing in the possibility that I was close to realizing my dream only to wake up and feel as if it is as far away as it ever was!
I don't even know where to begin, how to begin, to start over again... I felt desperate to be able to cry my eyes out today for just my lack and loss, but damn it, God wouldn't allow me to do even that! (sorry, probably shouldn't be using the word damn and God in the same sentence!)
I got down on my knees, prayed (more like begged!) for God to HELP ME, began to feel the tears well up in my eyes, only to be told that my greatest good is coming to me, that it is on its way...
I listened, but because it is hard to feel faithful when it feels like your world seems so hopeless, I asked God to send me a clear and understandable sign within the next week or so to really help me know that His words are true!
So, I will be looking for something out of the ordinary, a random event - a thing seen, felt, read, heard - that feels like synchronicity is occurring... and I will have that sign as my reason to keep believing in dreaming miracles.
I wish I had the happy ending to my story already, but all I can do is be thankful for the fact that my story still doesn't have its ending and, because of that, the possibility still exists for a happy one!
Friday, January 11, 2013
It Comes at the End of a Sentene
"Never give up on what you really want to do. The person with big dreams is more powerful than one with all the facts." ~ Unknown
Yay! My period came yesterday and it was back to its normal (well, my normal) 26 day cycle. After having had my last two periods be both on day 36 it felt good to get back to what I feel is where I want to be.
I'm just still trying to hang in there and do all of the things that are within my control to keep my fertility going strong for as long as possible!
So, yeah, having a normal cycle feels like a blessing from God.
"Keep believing!" my inner-voice tells me. "Just keep holding tightly to your faith, L.," that voice continues to say... and I listen...
Yay! My period came yesterday and it was back to its normal (well, my normal) 26 day cycle. After having had my last two periods be both on day 36 it felt good to get back to what I feel is where I want to be.
I'm just still trying to hang in there and do all of the things that are within my control to keep my fertility going strong for as long as possible!
So, yeah, having a normal cycle feels like a blessing from God.
"Keep believing!" my inner-voice tells me. "Just keep holding tightly to your faith, L.," that voice continues to say... and I listen...
Saturday, January 5, 2013
Here Today, Gone Tomorrow
"I don't think of all the misery, but of all the beauty that still remains." ~ Anne Frank
Well, my New Year of 2013 has started off pretty damn shitty! But it's my own damn fault! (Sorry for the cursing!)
I keep allowing myself to make the same mistakes over and over and I can't understand WHY? That last statement isn't exactly true - I do know why. It's because I want to fall in love, be in love, so badly that I just hold on too tightly to that hope and dream.
As you may surmise, I have broken up with C. AGAIN!!! Just when I thought we couldn't get better, couldn't be closer, he tells me that his childhood love has finally responded to him (after what, a month-and-a-half?!) in the most positive way (after telling her he needed a definite and clear response from her), but as he explained to me. "... there are still some issues to be resolved before I can know FOR SURE whether she and I have a future or not." Give me a frick'n break!
If I EVER write about C. again in this blog please fell free to write something in the comment section to the effect that, I HAVE GOT TO BE THE BIGGEST FREAK'N IDIOTIC WOMAN THAT EVER LIVED!!!
I feel the urge to right him that he deserves someone special, just not someone as special as me! What I wrote him instead in response to his message was:
C., I find it funny of you when you say, "Really, I'm OK. I hope you are, too." Of course you are okay! You now have your childhood love to look forward to sharing your hopes and dreams with, whereas I am left with the emptiness, the loss, of those hopes and dreams you and I so very recently held in our hearts and minds...and souls...
So, yeah, there's got to be another route to my dream of miracles coming true, and believe me, I am more determined than ever to find it!!!
I keep allowing myself to make the same mistakes over and over and I can't understand WHY? That last statement isn't exactly true - I do know why. It's because I want to fall in love, be in love, so badly that I just hold on too tightly to that hope and dream.
As you may surmise, I have broken up with C. AGAIN!!! Just when I thought we couldn't get better, couldn't be closer, he tells me that his childhood love has finally responded to him (after what, a month-and-a-half?!) in the most positive way (after telling her he needed a definite and clear response from her), but as he explained to me. "... there are still some issues to be resolved before I can know FOR SURE whether she and I have a future or not." Give me a frick'n break!
If I EVER write about C. again in this blog please fell free to write something in the comment section to the effect that, I HAVE GOT TO BE THE BIGGEST FREAK'N IDIOTIC WOMAN THAT EVER LIVED!!!
I feel the urge to right him that he deserves someone special, just not someone as special as me! What I wrote him instead in response to his message was:
C., I find it funny of you when you say, "Really, I'm OK. I hope you are, too." Of course you are okay! You now have your childhood love to look forward to sharing your hopes and dreams with, whereas I am left with the emptiness, the loss, of those hopes and dreams you and I so very recently held in our hearts and minds...and souls...
I'm frustrated, because once again I seem to find myself in the same position as I have before with you. And I can't fathom why this keeps happening to me?!!! Why I keep allowing my heart to be so utterly and completely open to you only to have it broken time and again? Why, through every obstacle you present me with, I seem to stay constant in my belief in "us." But I guess I do know, really.
The answer is, that for good or bad, it is who I am - an open-hearted romantic with a boundless gift of love and joy to share... and because of that, although there is always a risk, I know that I will always take that leap of faith... because love is a beautiful, hopeful place... the place where I long to live!
L.
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So, yeah, there's got to be another route to my dream of miracles coming true, and believe me, I am more determined than ever to find it!!!
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
2013
"Listen to your heart above all other voices." ~ Marta Kagan
Just wondering what 2013 holds for me and my dream of miracles... I am counting on those miracle dreams being manifest... the story continues...
Happy New Year!!!
Just wondering what 2013 holds for me and my dream of miracles... I am counting on those miracle dreams being manifest... the story continues...
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