Type

"The more I learn about you, the more amazing that chance, fate, or whatever had a hand in this. It defies all logic." -  C. (written 5/13/12 in an email to me)  

Well, as you know from reading my earlier post, I finally heard from C. He left on his military deployment  two weeks ago today. If you clicked on the link at the bottom of my "Donor?" post you will have had the opportunity to read the history of our email correspondence with each other (well, everything up until C. left. I wrote him four times after he had gone). Somehow C. and I just "clicked" despite the fact that he is twenty-five and he knows that I am in my 40's. 

But as our correspondence became more mentally, spiritually and emotionally intimate, I was getting frustrated because I had yet to see a photo of C. I didn't know what this guy, whom I was becoming more and more "attracted" to, looked like!

Finally, this past Sunday (Mother's Day!) C. sent me an email with a photo attachment, but upon receiving it I couldn't bring myself to open it. I was too nervous that C. wasn't going to be attractive - that he wouldn't be my "type." So, I decided that I would wait until the next day, yesterday, to open the attachment and finally see the photo of C. and find out if his looks were what would ultimately discourage me from continuing to develop our relationship, or not.

Yesterday, I woke up and the first thing that went through my mind is: today is the day I find out what C. looks like. I went into the bathroom splashed water on my face, began brushing my teeth and thought: I can't do it right now; I can't open that photo attachment. I'm too chicken. I'll do it when I get home from work.

Throughout the day I kept thinking I could look at C.'s photo, but I kept resisting opening the attachment because I was too scared that I'd open it and be disappointed by his looks. 

Finally, when I got home from work I was like,  L. you can't keep putting this off; it's not going to change whatever that photo shows, just open it already!

I went to the email, clicked on the attachment, and as it was downloading I put both my hands in front of my eyes, and then I spread my fingers ever so slightly apart and peeked through... I had my first glimpse of C. 

I dropped my hands and fully took in the photo in front of me and... C. COULDN'T HAVE BEEN MORE MY TYPE!!! He's so cute! He has big, beautiful blues eyes. He's the type of guy who when he  looks at you it would feel as if he was looking into the depths of your soul. I feel so excited! 

But I know that I need to temper my excitement because now I have to send a photo of myself to C. He doesn't know what I look like! Ugh. This is when I just have to continue to put my faith in God. C. either will, or won't, think I'm pretty. I can't do anything about how he views me. It's out of my control. All I can do is hope (and pray!) that he sees me the same as I now see him: beautiful on the inside, as well as, beautiful on the outside.