Well, as you know C. sent me his photo and I was so happy that he was my "type." But I knew that it was now my turn to send a photo of myself to him. I decided that I would just have to put my faith in God. C. either would, or would not, think I was pretty. There wasn't anything I could do about how he viewed me. It was out of my control. As I mentioned in the earlier post, all I could do was hope and pray that he would see me the same way as I saw him: beautiful on the inside, as well as, beautiful on the outside.
So, yesterday I finally sent him a photo. It was a self-portrait from about a year or so ago (the photo he sent me was from a couple of years ago so I felt perfectly fine sending him this older shot of me). I don't think I'm very photogenic, but in this photo I actually felt pretty. In my email I told C. that I hoped it didn't disappoint him and that the ball was in now in his court. And as I pressed the send button I said a little prayer that he would find me attractive : )
This is just a small portion, but the best portion, of what he wrote back to me:
Dear L., I am all smiles! I AM WARMLY, ENTHUSIASTICALLY HAPPY WITH YOU AND YOUR PICTURE.
So, yay, C. does think I'm pretty! And our "relationship" has gotten even more intense during the past twenty-four hours! Part of me is excited and the other part of me thinks he is building me up to a standard that would be impossible for anyone, much less me, to be able to live up to. He hasn't said it to me, but I feel as if he is falling in love with me!
I want to remind him, I did remind him, that I really want us to stay focused on why we are coming together in the first place, which is for him to be my sperm donor so that I can have the baby(s) I so deeply desire.
I'm afraid that if we continue to develop some deeper relationship it might, in the end, just jeopardize what my goal is: to have a baby. But it is true my goal is also to find a husband, but a 25 year old? I hardly see that as being viable.
Although, I do have personal experience of a relationship that developed between a 52 year old woman and a 26 year old guy (which never would have happened had I not been living with her at the time and bringing my boyfriend and his friends by to hang out by her pool) who ended up getting married, and as far as I know - now twenty years later - they are still together.* And truthfully, them getting together didn't surprise me, after all, she was so cool I loved hanging out with her so, I thought, why wouldn't this guy love being around her the same way I did? So who knows...
I'm so confused... and my confusion will probably just continue because as it is now, C., won't be back from his military deployment for a few more months! Surely, as we continue to get to know each other, he, or I, will have to be incompatible in some major area (although of course I'm hoping we aren't!) I already know he hates garlic, even the smell of it, and garlic is one of my great loves!!!
*The reason I can only think that they are still together is that I lost track of her about ten years ago. I had, for the second time in six years, moved and because her husband (also in the military) had been transferred numerous times over the years she had moved again too. This was the time before Facebook (and really emailing) was available to so easily keep in touch with people.
*The reason I can only think that they are still together is that I lost track of her about ten years ago. I had, for the second time in six years, moved and because her husband (also in the military) had been transferred numerous times over the years she had moved again too. This was the time before Facebook (and really emailing) was available to so easily keep in touch with people.
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