Dilemma

"I would rather regret the things that I have done
than the things that I have not."
Lucille Ball

Oh my gosh, I feel such a dilemma about what to do regarding my frozen eggs. Presently I am not any closer to finding a husband and yet I am closing in on 48 years of age (five months).

My ideal has always been to find the right guy, fall in love, get married and try for a family naturally (and now) with the eggs I have frozen.

But I also feel very strongly that if I haven’t found a husband I will not let those eggs' journey into this world be for naught. They were brought into the world from a creative intention and my desire is for them to fulfill whatever their full potential may be.

As soon as I finished writing that last sentence the next thought that just popped in my mind was the following passage from the Bible; John 1:1-5 which says, “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. The same was in the beginning with God. All things were made by him; and without him was not any thing made that was made. In him was life; and the life was the light of men. And the light shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehended it not.” And further John 1:14, saying, “And the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us, (and we beheld his glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father,) full of grace and truth.”

I just think I was reminded of that verse (and I had to look it up, I’m not well-read when it comes to the Bible) because I believe “the Word” was God’s creative intention. There was no separation between God and the Word. The Word was always of God and was only in the “darkness” until God shined the light on it; until God determined to make manifest His creative intention. Then, “the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us...”

I guess I am creatively interpreting the passage but I've been known to do that.

The second entry I posted on my blog dealt with me believing I was created in the image of God and thus am also a creator. So, I guess it shouldn’t surprise me (although it may surprise you) that I would relate my frozen eggs on the same plane as, “And the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us...”

What I mean to convey, (in a non-blasphemous way!) is that my eggs have been a part of me from the beginning; they’ve always dwelt within “the darkness” of my being. Just because I wasn’t always conscious of them didn’t take away from the fact that they were present. When I decided to freeze my eggs my “light shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehended it not.” In other words, my frozen eggs may not know my plan: to make “the word” - the intention of my desire - “made flesh, and dwelt among us...” but ultimately that is where my heart is leading them.

The questions that I have are what to do and when to do it?

I’m thrown into a moral dilemma and the answers are not easy.