Cheating

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,

I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference. - Robert Frost 

I cheated.

I lasted barely three days in my complete self-imposed internet exile. But I have to say that even in such a short time being "off" the internet I felt a mental relief re: C (and I started reading a novel - something quite novel!). I did get the sense of space and peace that I had much needed.

However, yesterday, Sunday, in the afternoon I got such a strong urge of wanting to know if C. had emailed me that I broke down, turned on my computer, went to my Yahoo! account and signed in. When the mail page opened up, my eye immediately (and with hope!) turned to the upper right hand corner where there is an icon of an envelope and the word, in all caps, reading, MAIL. Underneath that heading read: No new mail. 

I had prepared my mind that not getting any mail from C. was not the end-of-the-world, that things could still be fine, but even with my supposed new-found mental toughness, my heart began to sink. 

But it was just in that instant, where my mind was in the space of registering a sinking feeling, but not yet having hit bottom, that a red icon with the number 2 popped up on my screen and I read, "You have 2 unread messages." No one but C. writes me at that Yahoo! account so I knew that both messages were from him. And just as fast a my heart had begun its' descent downward, it now began to rise up with happiness and hope. 

This is what C. had to say and what I said back to him.