I found out a few months back that my best friend - since 7th grade! - had a really, really hard time when she turned 50 last November. I asked her why, and she gave me - what I thought - the most non-sensical answer EVER!
My friend, MJ, told me that turning 50 was so upsetting to her because it was just ten years away from 60! I was like, WTF (really, I think I said that!)? I told MJ that she didn't even have a tomorrow for sure, so why worry about something that was ten years away! I didn't understand how she couldn't live more in the moment on this particular thing... and I'm usually not one to judge anyone for any of their "hangups" (probably due to having so many of my own! lol!).
But really, I just didn't get her; I didn't get that worry about something so out of ones control.
I don't think I had too much of a problem turning 50. I mean, for trying to get pregnant at 50, I guess I had thoughts about wishing it were different - that I wasn't going into "miracle" territory for birthing a baby - but I didn't feel physically or mentally much different.
And then, I got real used to being 50 when I joined Tinder. Because Tinder is based on your Facebook profile and it has a photo of you and your age is shown very prominently - it nearly takes up the whole page (or maybe it just seems so large because it's telling the world your 50 when you wish it was saying, 39!)! But whatever, I was just dealing with being 50, and because I wasn't feeling as old as 50 it didn't seem to bother me too much.
Then, on October 1st (yep, less than a month ago), I turned 51. And sometime during that day my Tinder profile got updated (I'm posting a pic - tho, blurred - of me and my profile) and it showed my same smiling face but with my new age... 51. Ugh! I didn't like it. I didn't like the look of it... maybe it's the even number decade thing of being 50, but having the number be 51 just threw me off... like, way off... I wasn't having panicky attacks, like my friend MJ, because I was that much closer to 60 (there is so much I'm trying to do right now that I can't put my attention on things too far away!), but I did have a much harder time with this years birthday than some in the past - and especially over last years! And it's just kinda interesting to me how I felt... bummed.
But, in the end, I just know that I have to keep concentrating on the positive things I can do to help me get the life I've always dreamed of having. I can't bother with those negative things that I can't control... and as much as I might like, I can't control how old I am, so why should I worry on that.
It's my job to believe that God has a perfect plan for my life. I already know His plan isn't anything close to mine - I wouldn't be writing this blog if it were!!! So, I've just got to stay focused on being faith-filled - over all my obstacles - and know that whatever awaits me is for my greater good.
This blog is called, Dreaming Miracles. I gave the blog its name for a reason... and the reason was because I knew, however long it took, it was going to be a miracle - it didn't matter, doesn't matter, if I'm 46 or 50+ - it was always going to be a miracle. And it still will be.
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