Last night I was watching, Call the Midwife, a television show on PBS.org. It is now Season 2 of the series (of which I can not recommend highly enough!) and I was watching Episode 4 on my laptop. The show is a period piece set in the East End of London around the 1950's. It is very common that I cry while watching it.
I cry so often, because it so strongly, yet simply, shows the everyday struggles of people living the lives they were born to live; the joys, the pains, the tenderness, the heartache... it shows life - in all its forms - good and bad. And it shows the humanity of life... given and received.
And usually my crying starts at the end of the show, when the narrator of the story - the main character who is now old and looking back on her life - shares what insights and wisdom she has gained from the naive, young girl she once was, so very long ago.
In this particular episode, when hope was taken away, but through the grace of love, given back to a young couple, my tears started to flow, and flow so profusely that I had to pause the show to go get tissues to cry into.
I couldn't stop my crying because my heart was aching. These past few days have been so trying for me - to learn of these new problems I will have to overcome (I will write more on that in my next post) on top of the ones I already have. I feel overwhelmed by Life and what it is presenting me with, and in need of solace, because my dreams - of being married and having a child of my own - are still held so strongly in my heart.
As I so often do when I get to this place of doubt, and worry and fear, I ask God and my angels to give me a clear and understandable "sign," one that I will recognize as telling me to keep believing, keep having faith in my dreams coming true.
So, after having just asked for a "sign" I took the box of tissues back to my room - all the while continuing to cry into them - and I pressed the play icon to continue the last few minutes of the show.
I watched these last minutes and as the show was coming to its close, the narrator began speaking. I listened to her tell of what she now knew. And after she had finished I felt the strong need to write at least some of what she had spoken of, so I once again paused the show to find paper and pen. But now, because I had gone past the point of the beginning of her narration, I had to try to find the point it was of when she started it. So, I try to go back and find that point and when I do, and press play again, a box pops up on my screen with a time, and every other second blinks in front of me. If I remove my cursor off the screen the box would disappear, but even as I continued pausing (to get the words said, written down) the box would pop up the same way it originally had.
No matter how many more minutes the show progressed forward, and how many times I pressed pause and then play, the box had the same time shown. I'm not sure why the box read as it did because, as I said, at this point, I am close to the show's end. But, even as I write what I hear the narrator say, and even as I have to find my way back to the place of the last words she had spoken to continue writing the thought she was expressing, the box pops up and the same time is on it. And do you know what that time was? It was 4:44 - the significance of which I explained previously in my post - Quick!
Anyway, what the narrator had said at at the show's ending, and which I had felt I wanted to write down, was, "Sometimes in life one has to take a chance. Without risk there is no possibility. Without potential loss, no prize"
And, I have to say, that after just minutes before, having asked God and my angels for a "sign" to help keep me hopeful. Those words spoken to me, at that moment, as well as this peculiar box reading 4:44 popping up (and flashing!), made me know that what I had asked for, had been answered. And what I needed, had been given: faith.
Below is a screenshot of what I was talking of when I said a box popped up as I searched, and then again, re-searched for the place I needed to be in order to write down what I wanted (needed) to hear. And as I said, no matter how many minutes passed by after that, and you can see, in the lower, left corner of the box, the time I went back to restart the show, and then further below that, the "real time" that was progressing, and yet that top number, 4:44, in the upper right corner, remained the same.
Some computer savvy person might understand why this happened, but for me, who is not computer savvy, it didn't really matter, because to me, it was "out of the norm," a "mystery " and "unusual," all of which for me, are ways that I perceive "signs."
And I know, I feel, that I am blessed...
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