"Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future. "
- Paul Boese
My sister became a grandmother and she was leaving the next day to see the new addition to her family. I knew she was stopping by to see my mom before she headed out of town and I gave my my mom an envelope with a card in it to give to her. I had written my congratulations on her exciting news and asked if she would be able to meet with my counselor and I when she got back in town the following week. She replied back in an email that she would make the appointment.
So, I had arranged that I would have a half hour alone with my counselor to go over what I wanted to get out of the meeting, and my sister would meet with us during the last half hour so that we could continue to work on trying to make things better.
When my sister came into the room, right off the bat, she seemed much less defensive. I explained to my counselor that she had just got back from seeing her daughter and her first grandchild. My counselor congratulated her and asked about her visit. So, my sister, I'm sure still feeling the joy of that time, was happy to oblige in telling of her new grandson.
Like I said, K. was in a different frame of mind than at our first appointment. She was open. I just explained to her what I wanted; that for a start I just hoped to be able to be around each other. That I was just trying to make things easier for our mom, and us being on better terms would be a great help in that regard. I told her that that was all I was ready for. I wasn't ready for any family gatherings at her house and for her not to take offense when I didn't show up. I could only do what I could do, and being civil to each other was my start.
She seemed to be accepting of that. We talked some about our mom and her needs and then the appointment time had come to an end. When she got up to leave she hesitated, and my counselor, noticing, asked if she wanted to add anything more? K. looked at me and said, "I want to know if I can give you a hug?" And I let her.
It wasn't like the hug made the years dissolve away, but it did feel like the beginnings of a new beginning.
A week or so went by before I made a point, on Valentine's Day, to come upstairs when she came to visit my mom and say hello to her; to wish her a happy day. She had brought Valentine's treats for both my mom and me.
I've only seen her once since then and it too went well. Like I said, we're no where near BFF territory, but we are in the territory where my mom is freed of a burden that she was made to endure, and that territory, for now, feels like a fine place to be.
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