*Deep Sigh*

"Between you and every goal that you wish to achieve, there is a series of obstacles, and the bigger the goal, the bigger the obstacles. Your decision to be, have and do something out of the ordinary entails facing difficulties and challenges that are out of the ordinary as well. Sometimes your greatest asset is simply your ability to stay with it longer than anyone else." ~ Brian Tracy

Well, I'm just gonna let screenshots and voice recordings tell this part of the story...

And then my recorded thoughts from that moment when I felt like my whole family got wiped out in one fell swoop, to later in the night; where I, most surprisingly to me, ended up. 

The following posted on YouTube...

First thoughts...

More time to think thoughts...

Oh, no, not again, thoughts...

And here is this song - it's even before my time! - the Five Stairsteps singing O-o-h Child a song that somehow became my youngest niece and my song, "our song" when she was probably 12 years old... she's 27 now! 

This a good version of the O-o-h Child

So, I'm not going to be doing anything with what little I have left - the two immature eggs and the germinal vesicle cell (GVC) - for at least another two-three years. Yep, I'll be 61 then, but unless my health deteriorates for some reason I think I can be "okayed" again by at least my doctors. And I'm not worried about the age thing. My mom is going to turn 92 in one month and she's pretty darn with it - she finds the words to finish my sentences because I'm too slow for her! - and loved enormously by all her grand-children - the oldest 40, the youngest 19 - and her great-grandchildren - the oldest 10, the youngest three all 1.

I don't know about life... but I'm feeling good about taking an extended break from this long, long, journey. And I'm hopeful that in the next few years fertility medical advances and technology will happily coincide with my return to the dream. And I did find out that God rewarded Job! So, we'll see... 

The New Journey

 "We are not human beings on a spiritual journey. We are spiritual beings on a human journey." ~ Stephen Covey

This morning, Friday, April 21, 2022, at approximately 9:45am, CST, the new spiritual journey of human life begins. 

Six of my nine oocytes - those oocytes that I froze 12 years ago right before I turned 46 years old! - will be thawed and fertilized. I can barely wrap my head around getting to these final few chapters! 

Of course my mind wants to be anxious, fearful, worried about what results, but I will not let it. I have always believed that this journey was about God and me. And no matter what happens I have been the faithful servant to the journey my soul wanted me to take. And I am grateful for that gift. 

But as I write this post mere hours before 10,000 x 10,000 miracles continues on and manifest in this world; on this earth, I have the faith of Job! I know God is with me and I am just constantly staying focused on what God is able to do for me; what his will is, really.  

I had, three months ago, finally felt "The Swirl" around me and because of all the signs I've asked for - and received! - over 20 years and more, I can only say, as crazy as it may seem, I would be more surprised if I didn’t end up with a baby than I would if I did! 

I'm reminded of what Steve Jobs said about "connecting the dots backwards.” And successfully completing this journey I feel like it's going to look almost unfathomable! But that’s exactly what miracles do look like! 

Remember, 12 years ago I named my blog Dreaming Miracles for a reason. And that reason is more upon me now than it ever has been! Today is a JOY day!

One More Time

 "When the world says, "Give up," Hope whispers, 'Try it one more time.' " ~ Unknown

This video post was "randomly" placed in my YouTube feed when I got on late last night to watch some of my main subscription channels. In other words, it has nothing to with any channels I subscribe to, it was put in as a "short" as maybe something I would be "interested" in? 

Well, finally YouTube actually had me figured out and put the right video in front of me at the right time... just as I'm working harder on my faith than I ever have before because this - close to getting all the answers for the end of my "journey of a thousand miles" - is when I'm fighting dragons left and right to their death to protect my belief in my miracles; my belief that God has walked this journey with me and will see me make it successfully to the last step just as he did when I took the first one!

This video - and, unbelievably, the comments section! - is what every woman hoping for a miraculous child late in life should watch to remind themselves that miracles do happen; and that Abraham's Sarah led the way! Remember, Sarah lol'd at the Angel's message, but God had the last laugh!

Easter Miracle

 "Every great achievement was once considered impossible." ~ Unknown

The day has come. 

The eggs I have had cryopreserved since September 18, 2009 are being sent from where they have spent their whole "life" to the fertility clinic's lab where - hopefully within the week - six of the nine oocytes will be unthawed and I will have my first answer to this amazingly big and long puzzle of my life. Are the eggs good? Just writing that sentences made me think a thousand different thoughts. 

See, it's because this whole journey - I'm well into my 12th year now! - has been all about Faith. And, yes, Faith with a capitol F. *deep sigh* So many years of Faith. Year after year after year. Faith.

Monday, April 18, 2022 - the day after Easter Sunday - is one giant step closer to discovering if my Faith in this journey; my belief in the outcome: my dreams coming true; my miracles happening... is a part of God's plan for my life. Or maybe closer in fact, God's plan for me to create and dream these miracles into my life.   

So, yeah, FAITH... 

IN DREAMING MIRACLES!

Cleared for Takeoff!

"When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it." ~ Henry Ford

I got all of my clearance letters! I had to go back into my GP to talk about all of my lab results but after the appointment she said she would write the clearance letter this past weekend. And she did! I don't have hers but she basically told me it was two lines as she thought to keep it short and simple. Now it's a matter of hearing back from the clinic as to moving forward. 

So, first, Psych clearance! 

Next, MFM clearance - per doing the panel of test the results of which he felt fine about.

Next: your captain has turned off the seatbelt light and you are free to move about the cabin (at 30,000 feet)!