I haven't heard a peep from C. since last Sunday, June 24th (sent from him June 25th). It's so frustrating. It's like our relationship takes two steps forward, then one step back. I mean I guess the positive spin of that is that we seem to be progressing forward, but it is so excruciatingly slow.
And then of course because of what happened with G.G, the fact that he gave me his assurance of complete love and then chose to exit my life in such a callously cruel way - by just vanishing and without any sign that his love for me was anything other than exactly as he assured me - just leaves me with an unsettled feeling regarding C., as if he too could so easily abandon me.
Great! Thanks to G.G. I now know I have abandonment issues to overcome!
I try to tell myself that G.G. and C. are nothing alike and that in addition to that, my past is not my present, nor is it my future - I am presently making my future and feeling fearful is not a part of my plans.
Fearfulness is lack of faith and my journey is about faith so I have to focus on the positive aspects of things instead of dwelling on what is difficult.
I think I will take another few days off from the internet. It helped me a lot the last time I did it - gave my mind an alternative to constantly being on the lookout for a message from C. Hopefully, on July 4th, C. will at last get a chance to celebrate our countries Independence Day by being at a place, and in a position, to actually email me. I'm crossing my fingers. I'm so hopeful, yet anxious to hear from him.
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