In the Game

I had another woe is me day yesterday. I've been diagnosed with gastroparesis and yesterday I felt nausea about as bad as I've ever felt it. When I feel that sick I can't function and I don't want to eat. I've now lost a total of 22 pounds in the past five months, only twelve of which I needed to lose.

I also found out that I have to go back in for more surgery on my knee - too much scar tissue has built up so I can't straighten it which is necessary for normal walking. The doctor has to arthroscopically go in and remove the offending tissue.

And to add more stress my period hadn't come - it was day 28 and I hadn't had a period that late (my normal has been a 26 day cycle) in years, but I've had a few come early recently. I just felt worried that maybe my stressors, my age, and my health had finally done me in and that this could be the first of me not having a regular period anymore.

As much as I tried to rally I wasn't doing a very good job of it. I did talk to God about my hopes, but a lot of my praying was about peace. I want to have peace in my life with whatever happens. I did talk to God about "signs" about how either He wasn't sending them or that I wasn't seeing them because it had been awhile since I had a feeling of assurance, of hope, that a sign can give.

Anyway, late this morning my period came. It felt good to still be in the game.