Well, I've told you about having my reconstructive knee operation. I was supposed to get my stitches out on Wednesday, but they weren't quite healed, so hopefully at the beginning of this week I will get them out and start rehab. It'll be a good three month process, but I've been assured my knee is gonna be like a new one.
I did finally have that breakdown that I alluded might be in the works. Outside of the pain I was physically in from my knee surgery, I think I mentally, emotionally, and spiritually lost it when I had another period - twenty days after I started the one on my 47th birthday which in itself was way earlier than my normal twenty-six day cycle.
In the end you know how it goes, one thought leads down a shadowy trail, the next thought leads down a darker one, until your thoughts have no light left to lead you anywhere you can find you're way out of. I had my pity-pat party - cried my eyes out for all the lack and loss I feel in my life and when I hit the bottom, found my way out by counting my blessings and forging on in faith that it ain't over til it's over.
I'm supposed to be writing this all down. Sometimes I don't want to take the time to do it. But in my heart I know that it is a testimony to something; and I believe, that something, has to do with God, His will for my life, faith (or overcoming a lack thereof), creating, and staying true to the dreams of my soul.
In the end all I really have control over are my thoughts. Thoughts like seeds planted in the soil, need a fertile environment to prosper and, in my mind, there is no better fertile environment than BELIEVING. Rising up from the soil of believing my thoughts can flourish in the direction I lead them, even if that means it may go against the grain of how "nature" usually grows things. There are anomalies in nature all of the time; that is what creation is all about: an anomaly that flourishes becomes what was always supposed to be.
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