False Alarm

I wanted to give an update on what happened with T. I had a feeling of excitement surrounding his messaging me. I mean, a good-looking, sweet, single guy coming into my life seemingly out of the blue is a pretty miraculous occurrence. I wrote him back saying, yes, I was definitely up for renewing our previous encounter. He then asked if I wanted to come over and have him cook something special for me. I waited a day or two and wrote back, "I'd love to." I eagerly awaited his response telling the day and time. And I'm still waiting! It's been nearly two weeks. So, I guess it was just a false alarm, albeit a really disappointing one.

But I'm thankful it happened the way it did. After all, my quest is in finding Mr. Right, not in trying to make Mr. Wrong be Mr. Right. And by T.'s actions, though somewhat hurtful, I don't have to doubt that he was wrong for me. Isn't that worth being grateful for: that I didn't have to get deeper into something that would not have been good for me anyway?

Furthermore, I learned that I'm not exactly where I need to be yet. And it was a really frightening dream that brought that to my attention. After analyzing the dream it was clear to me that my subconscious mind is still really fearful that if I allow myself to be vulnerable, open to letting a guy truly know me, that I will be the one who is "ransacked."

So, some how I need to let my subconscious know that I am a slayer of dragons* and that all will be well if I stay true to my quest. As Carlos Castaneda wrote, "The only thing we all have in common is that we play tricks in order to force ourselves to abandon the quest. The counter-measure is to persist in spite of all the barriers and disappointments."

Lastly, I take comfort in the knowledge that I put my fishing pole, so to speak, in the water and it didn't take long before I got a nibble. Maybe I haven't caught the "big fish" yet, but the "laws" of catching fish tell me that I've got the right bait set out and where there's one fish biting there's many. One of those "fish" is swimming ever closer to my lure and when he bites it'll be because he's ready to be caught and I'm the right one to catch him.


*more on dragon slaying in an upcoming post