In my previous post I mentioned that T. the guy from this post and then this one came back in my life. Yeah, after a four year hiatus! And I didn't even understand what the hell happened with him the first time... four years ago!
Well, I said I'd put up a screenshot of our "conversation" via Facebook messaging... so here it follows...
So, yeah, I had a dilemma with T. On the one hand, I would have liked to get re-aquantied with him. I think he's a nice, cute, fun guy. But then there's the other hand, and that's when I have to add the word "flakey" to my description of T.
He already had the one strike against him from his "flakeyness" four years ago and now he just had strike two. I mean, I had no problem with the fact that he might have already had plans when I asked him Wednesday night if he wanted to get together for a Happy Hour on Friday, my problem was with him saying, early Thursday morning, "I will let you know this evening."
Well, I never heard from him Thursday evening, and I never heard from him throughout the day on Friday for him to give me any kind of answer to my invite. I finally heard from him Friday night around 7:45PM. And, truthfully, though it didn't factor into my overall view of T.'s "flakeyness," I thought it strange when he did write me, he asks how my Happy Hour was... as if I was just going to a Happy Hour and not that he were the particular reason that I would be going in the first place! I know I wrote, "I'll be down that way" but that meant somewhere near the bar, not at the freak'n bar (otherwise why would I have even said immediately after that, "but I'm up for suggestions").
I didn't write him back on his Friday night message. I had nothing to say! But then he writes again a few days later and at that point I thought, I need to tell him why I'm not interested in him but I can't just come out and say, "Dude, you are just way too super flakey for me!" I felt like telling someone, something like that, needed to be said in a personal conversation... especially in light of the fact that I haven't even seen him in like 15 years or more! So, I just did the best I could by giving him a true compliment and then telling him I was unsure of about him. Yes, there could be a million reasons that he might wonder what I was "unsure" about but I figured if he really wanted to know he could always ask... at that point, I probably would have felt like I could give him my real reason.
But the thing is, and I'm not sure if I mentioned this or not, but something very similar - at least my feelings toward it - happened with J. whom I wrote about in this post. I might as well show you the screenshot of that "convo." You see J. was supposed to be coming to my small get-together. He had been one of the first to RSVP and tell me he was looking forward to it... and then I get the following message from him...
You'll note that he must have known I wasn't too happy with his excuse for missing my party. I mean, I did feel like it was rude of him to have rsvp'd that he would be there and then write me - what I thought of as a lame excuse - two hours after my party had started that he couldn't make it. Otherwise, I'm assuming, he wouldn't have written me over a week later expressing some regret.
At this point, I never wrote J. back. I just chalked him up to being too flakey (yeah, before my next flakey guy appeared!)! I mean, I could go into a lot of reasons why I thought J.'s excuse for missing my party - the party he said he would be at! - was rude, but really the only point that mattered to me was that his family mattered more!
You see, if a guy really, really liked you then pretty much NOTHING (and certainly not a last minute invite to dinner with your parents!) would stop you from wanting to spend time with them, for doing whatever it takes to make them feel special; to let them know you care... sending a, I'm-so-sorry text two hours after you could have stopped by a party you said you were going to be at, well, that was writing on my wall that J. was not someone I could be romantically interested in, or that he wasn't interested in me that way, either. A friend? I need all the friends I can get, but anything more than that? Nope. Not with him. Period.
I was telling someone my "flakey" guy stories and I just said to them that when you're in your 20's you can justify - in some positive light - all kinds of ways a guy "mistreats" you, but when you get to be my age... you just don't have the time to even want to figure them out. You just say, good guys... that someone - other than me! - can have the opportunity of wasting their time on!
And, since we're seemingly on the subject of "whatever-happened-to?" I'll also say that even though G.G. came back into the "fold" after he had kinda backed his way out... I finally just couldn't take him any more. He was constantly calling me - at all hours - and he would just talk incessantly... most of the time it didn't seem like he was drinking alcohol - though sometimes it did! - but then I thought maybe it was him chewing tobacco that would make him seem to start a conversation normally and then be all "wally" by the time I had to end it. The thing is: G.G. was a guy I loved - I still love! - but damn, I just couldn't take anymore of him, either.
I guess I was just striking out left, right, up and down. But there is some part of me that feels like the "Universe" is at least bringing me attractive, smart, creative, humorous guys... the only thing "It" is getting wrong is the flakey part. Like, my thought to the "Universe" is: bring me the positive guy I want... and let him be "grounded" in some stable, non-flakey way, please!
I could give myself a little grief for being so picky about, what I call the, "flakey" behavior by these guys - I mean in some ways they do seem small slights - but I truly feel, that in the big picture, I need a guy that would think more about me. I've always said, I need someone who can bring something to my table... not take something off of it!
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