Take Flight

"Aerodynamically the bumblebee shouldn't be able to fly, but the bumblebee doesn't know that so it goes on flying anyway." ~ Mary Kay Ash

There is more to this article than just the headline and I wasn't expecting all the "extra" stuff thrown into it. So when I read the beginning of it I was just thinking I should share the article on my blog and explain why I was sharing it. 

First, and believe me, I am not going to be one to judge anyone on how they want to go about pro-creating, just as I would prefer they not judge me, either. On that note, if you have gone the donor sperm bank route to have your child, or know that is the route you want to take, more power to you. I applaud you for knowing exactly what it is you want and taking the steps that will get you that dream! 

But, for me, the article explained exactly why I don't want to - am not willing to - go the donor sperm bank route. It's like my worst nightmare come to life. I can't think of anything worse (well, I can, but for the sake of this post and what I'm writing about, let's just say, I can't) then getting together with 20 other woman - that all used the same sperm donor - and having parties, outings and vacations with them and a "gazillion" half-sibling children. Okay, I know I'm over dramatizing the "gazillion" part. And it's perfectly fine if you disagree with me on this one... I totally understand. It's my hangup. Hell, it's the reason I try to have my Christmas shopping done by the first of December... I hate crowds! I hate the traffic around the holidays. I hate all of the mass of people swarming around me... it is a nightmare for me! But, again, that's just me... for whatever reason it's just a part of my "make-up."

The good thing is, I know that about myself. I know my "nightmare" scenarios well enough by now that I am pretty good at avoiding them. Now, does me - being me - make me miss out on things that I otherwise might positively be exposed to? I'm sure it does. But it's a price I'm willing to pay. 

I can remember, while growing up, my dad loved to go shopping on Christmas Eve. He absolutely loved being a part of the crowds, it made him feel the excitement and joy of the holiday season around him. He loved the festive feeling of the crowded mall. But like, I ain't him (in a lot of ways but in that way in particular)... I'm a Libra, for crying out loud! lol! I need balance... if you give me crowds then I'm gonna need a lot of solitude (and vice-versa). 

Look, I can't say why I tick the way I do, but I have been very upfront throughout writing this blog that I wasn't going to go the anonymous (or even known) donor sperm bank route. I was either going to find a guy to have a child with or wasn't going to be having a child. And yes, of course I want a child desperately, but I guess I just know me well enough to know that I don't want a child from a desperate place (again, this is my thinking! I'm not at all saying it would be yours... I don't think I can stress that enough!). 

And maybe I'm being a little (a lot?) hypocritical here (which I abhor!) because I have written a lot about kind of desperate ways I've tried to go about finding the right donor for me. So, I will let you judge me on that... like if that's been hypocritical, or not!  

So, yeah, maybe I will pay the ultimate price by deciding what my feelings are on using a donor sperm bank, but I know me, and I know that I have to stick by those views for myself, whatever the outcome may be. 

Okay, so now we've gotten that part of the article out of the way, but then the article keeps going - as if on an unstoppable tangent of its own - and I have to make some comments on the rest of the piece. 

I'll say, that there is a lot to like and not like in this article. The following paragraph was a definite not-like for me... "But among fertility doctors, 'the worst is the woman who at 43 wants to talk about egg freezing,' says Ross, who agrees with Ringler that ceaseless coverage of aging celebrity moms is to blame. 'We in the medical world know that 99 percent of those women used donor eggs. That's what's not discussed in the story.'" 

Really? You're gonna throw that out there? Good grief! Do "they" - these fertility doctors - recognize that we are unique individuals? That not all of us are going to have the same fertility make-up as every other woman out there? Like, take myself, for example, I didn't even start my period until I was 16! Is that the norm for girls starting their menstrual cycle? No, it isn't. That alone makes me different from millions of other woman. And, truthfully, may even account for the fact that my fertility has been as strong as it has at a later age - I simply started the whole thing later to begin with! 

And they are quoted as saying, "the worst." Well, thank God I found one doctor in this whole country - at the time - that did not agree that, "the worst is the woman who at 43 wants to talk about egg freezing..." because if he had then I would never have been able - less than two weeks shy of my 46th birthday, no less! - been able to have him retrieve my six mature eggs, two immature eggs and one germinal vesicle cell. THEY ARE MY OWN FROZEN EGGS! Now, what may or may not happen with those eggs as they relate to me actually becoming pregnant and having a child, I leave in God's capable hands, but at least I don't have to look back with any regrets that I didn't get the chance to try! 

Can you tell this article got me riled up a bit? Lol, it did! I had to try to skip over all the negative parts (and there were loads of those parts!)! Because, if you haven't figured it out by now, I'm trying to make the life I want to live. I'm trying to let the miracles I know surround me; become a part of my make-up. I'm trying to use my creativity to the fullest power and strength that I can imagine. 

And, I'm trying - in my own way - to encourage any one of you out there that reads what I have to say: to believe in you, believe in your ability to create, hold tight to being faith-filled that you are on the right journey; that God put some particular desire in your heart, that He might be making you jump through hoops and even slay dragons, but you CAN DO IT! Jump high! Slay those dragons even if they're coming at you like a beginner using an Xbox! Ignore the naysayers. Stay focused on the power of dreaming your own miracles into your life. 

Live your life the way you know best to live it! And, most of all, BELIEVE! Believe that you can do it. Believe that no matter how things turn out, you are meant to walk the path you are walking on right now, and walk it all the way to finish line... don't worry about how you placed when you cross the line, only that you crossed the line and finished what you set out to do. Whatever happens, you won! 

You will have won because you met the challenge head on; you overcame every single thing thrown at you, every obstacle placed in your path, and sometimes, you even overcame yourself... you quashed those voices in your head that tried to tell you to just give up; to quit already... and you didn't listen to them... and you realized you became stronger than you ever thought... wiser than you ever knew... all because you decided to take the journey in the first place, but more importantly, you stayed on it all the way until you got to the end...