I have been failing in my faith. I really hate failing in my faith!
I know that I am just a simple human; that not believing that God has a perfect plan for my life is much easier than knowing that He really does. But my journey is about faith - faith is what I am always striving for - I feel it is the key ingredient in actually making my dreams manifest, so when I lose it, I am overwhelmed, and struggle desperately to find my way back to it.
I have been, this past week or more, as Jesus said to Peter, "...thinking not as God does, but as human beings do."
As a human it is nearly impossible to have the long view of life (heck, it's practically impossible to have the long view of a solitary day!), but my belief tells me that God does have that long view, that He does know where it is He wants me to end up, and that through faith I will be led there - that whatever trials and tribulations I am faced with are exactly what is required to reach my destination. The hardships faced are a part of what guides me to where I am supposed to be!
But my human heart and mind says, "What's the hold up, G?!!!" (yeah, I do feel on good enough terms to give Him my own personal nickname! ; ) )
I just, as most little kids do, want what I want when I want it! And at the first inkling that my path is filling with more obstacles than I feel I can manage to overcome, I begin to have perfect human thinking: Where is God? Why is He doing this to me? Why doesn't He love me? Doesn't he want me to be happy?, etc.,...
In my faith (when I am feeling faith-filled) I am like a good swimmer happily splashing around in calm ocean waters on a clear, blue-sky day, having fun, feeling good and blessed by the experience I am having with nature and the world around me. When I lose my faith, however, I then feel like that same swimmer who, forgetting their knowledge of rip tides - those strong currents that swiftly force water away from the shore out to sea - gets caught up in one, not remembering how to get out of it.
Instead of doing as one should when caught in a rip tide - swim parallel to the shore, just far enough to get beyond, the often narrow, rip current's path and then make it easily to the beach - I try to swim straight towards the shore against a powerful current that is pushing me further away from it. I exhaust myself with no results to show for my efforts and I become frightened. I am faced with doubts over my ability to succeed, and even the thought of going beneath the water's surface, of drowning, crosses my mind.
But it is in that moment when I feel the loss of being in control, when I recognize that I can't go on, that I am too wearied and wish to give up, that is when I finally begin to hear God's instructions, to feel His guidance. I hear Him say, "Rest your weakened spirit. Stop your useless, furious strokes. Remember what you know!" And what I know is that sometimes the best, the easiest, way to overcome an obstacle, such as a swimmer facing a rip tide, is to go a different route, find an alternate way, swim the "wrong" direction to make it to the "right" place. "But whatever you do," God reminds me, "When in doubt, listen, more intently than ever, to MY voice over your own."
And, once again, I understand Him; knowing that everything I will ever need I have been given; it is already inside of me. All I have to do is think as God does, not as a human would - that, in its simplest essence, is faith!
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