Waiting...

"Your work is to discover your world and then with all your heart give yourself to it."

~ Buddha

I sent H.B. this email the day after the first one I had sent him when he responded to my "Big Project" email. I just felt like I wanted to add something more:

Hey, I just wanted to mention that, statistically speaking, it's a long shot for me to even get pregnant at my age.

Of course, one of the greatest lessons I've learned from my dad is: fuck statistics (although he didn't quite say it in those terms)! But he taught me that someone always beats the statistics, so, he said, do the things within your control that will allow you the best chance to beat the odds.

So, I guess what I kinda want to convey is, if you did say, "yes," to my proposal and if I did beat the statistical odds for someone my age and actually get pregnant, and have a baby, I would consider it to be something akin to a miracle; something that was, in some way beyond my comprehension, as, "meant to be."

It still leaves you with the hugeness of the decision, but I just wanted to give you that heads up before we spoke.

And speaking of speaking... can you "meet" for cocktails on Wednesday? Actually, you're the one with the busy schedule so, if that doesn't work call me whenever you want... I'll pre-blend my high-octane margarita and stash it in the freezer!!!

Thanks, H.B.,

L.

So, I did call him yesterday, late afternoon, and got his voice mail and just left a message. Of course I'm anxiously waiting for his reply. I honestly can't see him doing it, but it's hard to dampen my spirit of the possibility of him saying, "yes." I drummed up the courage to ask the question, now I need to just as courageously accept the answer. But I do need an answer, because if not him, then I've got to move on... and fast. I'm on day three of my period and I'd hate for one more month to go by without at least trying an insemination!!!