Sh*t!

"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear. "

~ Ambrose Redmoon

I sent an email five minutes ago to my best friend's daughter whose in seventh grade. I had just gotten home from being at a birthday party at her mom's house and finally remembered the "current" song that I couldn't remember when I was talking to her, so, I sent her the link. I just went back to my inbox to check and see if she responded and low and f'n behold, there's an email from H.B. regarding "Big Project."

I did not expect him to even read his emails for days, much less, respond to mine so quickly. It feels like when a jury comes back to court to announce their verdict, after a short deliberation, it almost always means that their verdict isn't good for the defendant (me, in this case, being the defendant). Usually, if the jury has a long deliberation it means the jury has got good news (or somewhat good news) for the defendant.

Sh*t! I swear it will take me the next three days before I'm ready to read it. In my mind I already know what it says: thanks for the compliment, if things were different...., you're a wonderful person..., so sorry...

I'm too chicken sh*t to find out right now because a "no" will just mean plan (what plan am I on now? I can't keep track) Z...?

Good Lord, please help me to help myself.... Where am I going? What am I doing? Why am I doing it?