One More Time

 "When the world says, "Give up," Hope whispers, 'Try it one more time.' " ~ Unknown

This video post was "randomly" placed in my YouTube feed when I got on late last night to watch some of my main subscription channels. In other words, it has nothing to with any channels I subscribe to, it was put in as a "short" as maybe something I would be "interested" in? 

Well, finally YouTube actually had me figured out and put the right video in front of me at the right time... just as I'm working harder on my faith than I ever have before because this - close to getting all the answers for the end of my "journey of a thousand miles" - is when I'm fighting dragons left and right to their death to protect my belief in my miracles; my belief that God has walked this journey with me and will see me make it successfully to the last step just as he did when I took the first one!

This video - and, unbelievably, the comments section! - is what every woman hoping for a miraculous child late in life should watch to remind themselves that miracles do happen; and that Abraham's Sarah led the way! Remember, Sarah lol'd at the Angel's message, but God had the last laugh!

Easter Miracle

 "Every great achievement was once considered impossible." ~ Unknown

The day has come. 

The eggs I have had cryopreserved since September 18, 2009 are being sent from where they have spent their whole "life" to the fertility clinic's lab where - hopefully within the week - six of the nine oocytes will be unthawed and I will have my first answer to this amazingly big and long puzzle of my life. Are the eggs good? Just writing that sentences made me think a thousand different thoughts. 

See, it's because this whole journey - I'm well into my 12th year now! - has been all about Faith. And, yes, Faith with a capitol F. *deep sigh* So many years of Faith. Year after year after year. Faith.

Monday, April 18, 2022 - the day after Easter Sunday - is one giant step closer to discovering if my Faith in this journey; my belief in the outcome: my dreams coming true; my miracles happening... is a part of God's plan for my life. Or maybe closer in fact, God's plan for me to create and dream these miracles into my life.   

So, yeah, FAITH... 

IN DREAMING MIRACLES!

Discrimination?

"God gives us dreams a size too big so that we can grow in them. " ~ Unknown

Okay, I think I noted pretty much from the start of this blog that I'm not really a "feminist," at least not in the sense of what I think a "real" feminist probably thinks. Like, unless I thought hard, I don't know that I've ever felt discriminated against on the basis of my gender; never feeling like being a girl held me back from anything I wanted to do, nor that I was over-looked, or my talents and ability any less appreciated than some guy. But scanning those nooks and crannies of my memory, I do recall there was a time in high school - it was my junior year so that would be the late 70's - when the student body was allowed to have an a novel thing called an "Open Forum."

The Open Forum was set up for the entire school - about 600 students - to gather together, fill up the gym's bleachers and be able to ask questions or share grievances with the school's administrators, teachers and leadership. A podium, with a mic, was set up at the far end of the gym and you could get in line and when one student finished speaking about what was on their mind another student could walk up to the podium and express whatever it was they wanted to say. Other than a few Student Government Association leaders, kids weren't clamoring to be in that line. I mean, it was high school, if you got up to the mic you were going to be in front of - and judged! - by every single freshman, sophomore, junior and senior in the place. I sat in the bleachers with the rest of the school ready to snark and laugh at whatever "goodie-two-shoes" had enough nerve to put themselves out there for the ridicule that was sure to follow.

But outside of any other consideration, everyone was excited to be in the gym sitting at the Open Forum because it meant we weren't sitting in our math, English, history or religion classes (I went to a Catholic school); the Open Forum had been highly anticipated on our school calendar because of the welcome disruption to our schedule. 

So many years have passed since then that I can't recount exactly the turn of events - I think it had something to do with our Athletic Director, Coach E., enthusiastically discussing the brand new weight room that had been added onto the boy's locker room and how great it was going to be for our loser (he didn't use that term) football team. But however it happened, I must have felt he was giving out one too many accolades to our inept gridiron boys over the back-to-back-to-back State Champion girl's basketball team that I played on. All the sudden I was no longer just a bored student body member in the gym; my ears perked up enough to actually listen and then I had heard enough wherein I believe steam started coming out of them. The next thing I knew I was stepping over people to climb down from the bleacher and be the next student in line for the podium!

I was a shy girl back in high school. I was a star athlete in three different sports, but outside of sports I'm not sure if I could have clearly enunciated a thought, much less an opinion. But when our Athletic Director started droning on about the boy's sports teams and their beautiful new locker room all I could think of was how pitiful the girl's locker room was. Girls just didn't take showers after P.E. class because all we had was cold water. I don't know if our cold water misery was because the water heater was over on the boy's side of the gym so that by the time it reached us all the hot water had been used up, or because the boy's had a hot water heater and we didn't, but the fact was the fact: they had a nice new addition to their locker room AND hot water!

When it was my turn I stepped to the mic, looked around the packed gym, turned to Coach E. and asked him if he had ever heard of a law enacted a few years earlier called Title IX? I didn't wait for his answer. I just explained to the assembled students what it was - a comprehensive federal law that prohibited discrimination on the basis of sex in any federally funded education program or activity. I reiterated to the student body that because we went to a private Catholic school our Athletic Director and leaders didn't need to adhere to the letter of the law, but that their blatant dismissal of the intent of the law shouldn't be anything to be proud of. I bluntly asked him to explain to all the students why the girls seemed to be treated in a second class manor? Though, I continued, we would probably overcome it - just like we had been doing - and bring home another State Championship! The gym erupted in cheers! As I turned to walk back to my seat in the bleachers I saw Coach E. turn a nice, burnt red and heard him fumble through trying to spin an answer to my question. With each high-five a kid gave me, as I took my seat, I thought, game. set. match.

But, yeah, outside of having to dig deep to recall that story of gender inequity - of which I never felt me, or our championship winning team, were ever really victims - I've never thought too much about gender discrimination. Until now. Until I read this article about the fashion designer, Tom Ford in the Hollywood Reporter magazine. 

The article was about Mr. Ford's transitioning from fashion into making films, but what caught my attention was the following paragraph, "At some point, he might even find time to drop by L.A., where he has made a home with his longtime partner and husband of two years, Richard Buckley, 68, and their 4-year-old son, Jack." That paragraph had followed the one in which Mr. Ford's age was stated as 55 years old. So, I thought, wow, Tom Ford was able to adopt a son at age 51... and, then, his partner is 13 years older! But I was surprised at how "no-news" that information was in the article. I mean, I've seen, throughout the years, when an older woman gets pregnant - even if her husband is considerably younger - she gets crucified for being so selfish as to have a child at an older age, but I have yet to come across the same kind of ageism or gender discrimination against Tom Ford and his 68 year old partner for having a child late in life... and, to me, I feel it's wonderful for Tom Ford and his partner, but that seems like absolute bias. Like, why is Tom Ford at 51 and his partner at age 64 having a child a-okay, but when a women does the same thing she is selfish and doesn't have the interest of the child at heart?

Maybe I'm wrong - I often am! - but it just seems like one of the very rare times where I actually feel like a women is discriminated against for wanting or having a child at an older age and a man is not. Like, the same principles don't apply purely based on gender. What do you think? 

Amen, Sister!

"All my life I had been looking for something, and everywhere I turned someone tried to tell me what it was. I accepted their answers too, though they were often in contradiction and even self-contradictory. I was naïve. I was looking for myself and asking everyone except myself questions which I, and only I, could answer. It took me a long time and much painful boomeranging of my expectations to achieve a realization everyone else appears to have been born with: that I am nobody but myself." ~ Ralph Ellison

This!

God and Babies

"I have learned that success is to be measured not so much by the position one has reached in life as by the obstacles which one has overcome while trying to succeed." ~ Booker T. Washington

This is an inspiring story for any woman that wants to get pregnant later in life. And cheers to God and babies!