Crying 'til You Laugh

"There is in every true woman's heart a spark of heavenly fire, which lies dormant in the broad daylight of prosperity; but which kindles up, and beams and blazes in the dark hour of adversity." ~ Washington Irving

It doesn't take long to go from complete highs back to very normal feeling lows!

I had had such an amazing time traveling in New Zealand, meeting a varied array of people, and best of all having guys I wanted to "hit" on me,  actually "hitting" on me!

It felt really good, especially, the one really cute guy who, as I stood alone at the bar, drinking my beer, on the other side of the world, looking out at the crowd of people dancing on the floor in front of me, I noted, was not only "hot" but dancing with three (3!) really pretty girls, kept taking glances at me (and of course the whole time I'm wondering: am I imagining that this alarmingly cute guy keeps looking at me with interest or is he really looking at me with interest? And if he is looking at me with interest, why? I mean, he's dancing with three beautiful, young, 20-something girls!). 

Finally, he caught my eye enough where I finally just kinda waved my hand at him in like a, "hi" gesture. At which point, as if he had been waiting for just such a cue, he immediately leaves the three girls he was dancing with and comes over to talk to me! And long story short, he was, not only the cutest guy in this massive bar, he turned out to be the sweetest kind of guy a girl could hope to find! And, for whatever reason, we had some kind of crazy chemistry and after a great, long philosophical conversation (although I'm leaving out some interesting tidbits!) off to "Disney World" we went! 

And the icing on my cake? I thought he was young - maybe 25 or 26 years old… he turned out to be… 21! I don't know what it is with me and these young'uns, but, I'll tell you one thing: I'm not going to think too long, nor too hard on it!

But then, I get back home, and home is Realityland. And in Realityland, I start watching a t.v show, half way over, and yet by the end it's got me crying for the sadness it shows of lifes' stories, and then, it just induces me to cry even harder at the mountain I am faced with; finding love and getting married at such a late age AND getting pregnant from my own egg(s) and delivering a healthy child or children! And my tears turn to laughter at the audacity of my hope, at my faith in my miracles manifesting, which makes me cry even bigger tears at the thought that I so thoroughly believe in God's gift of making me a creator in His image, so that I, too, can create something from nothing but the pureness of my desire. So, I laugh as I cry and I cry as I laugh, until I just stop… and reach for His hand...