One, try once more with H.B., my married friend, whom I've already asked (and been rejected by) twice before. It's been a while since I last spoke with him so maybe something has changed in his life that would make him open to my third attempt at changing his mind. It's worth a shot. I mean, it's three strikes you're out, so I've got one more left with him...
Two, believe that I will in fact hear from C. at some point and that eventually we will come together and get to try baby-making. But, that could still be some time away and I'm not getting any younger! I've firmly decided I'm not going to try to find a new sperm donor via the internet. I did it with C. and if that doesn't work out then so be it... I'm not going through that again.
Three, let go and let God. I mean maybe it's just time for me to quit trying to make things happen and just put everything in God's hands and let Him arrange for the, who, and the how. I feel I've done what I could do. I've tried to think of what guy could help me with my dream and so far I've failed. God doesn't fail. I'm ready to just "give up" to Him, say, You win, now let's see what You've got in mind!
One option that I know I don't have is quitting. This blog was/is written with the belief that miracles will manifest in my life and quitting is not a part of that belief system (at least on this journey it isn't!). But believe me, whenever I find myself thinking, and it happens even more often now than it did two, or even three years ago, "How do you think you are going to get pregnant with your own eggs at your age (my 49th birthday is fast approaching)? My response is immediate, "A MIRACLE!"
So, I'll try option one again. Keep hopeful for option two and then, if I have to, just wait it out for option three; see what God decides to do. Something is going to happen, the only question I have is: what and when?
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