I Caved

"The difference between the impossible and the possible lies in a person's determination."

~ Tommy Lasorda

I caved in. I promised myself I wouldn't. But when I looked around at my prospects for a donor I couldn't seem to keep that promise. I called H.B. I grabbed a beer, went out on the porch, dialed his number and he answered. I didn't jump right in with the request, but when I felt the time had come, I asked him to please rethink his response.

He does understand my plight. He's sympathetic to it. But he has fears that I don't know if he thinks he can overcome. As you know from reading my post about him, he has a child, a boy, probably close to twelve years old and he has a lot of regrets about that relationship. But, I told H.B., I'm not her (the mother of his son), I'm not manipulative and hurt because you didn't "pick" me, like she is. She lied from the start. All I want to do is be open and honest. He doesn't think he's father material. He feels like it would all drive him crazy. I think in his heart of hearts he would like to help me, he's just battling demons that he alone, if he so chose, would have to slay. It's a situation that I can't control. But once again he made me feel okay about asking him (begging him!) to reconsider. God I wish he would!