Hmmm......

I woke up this morning and per my usual daily ritual got my breakfast and checked out what was going on in Facebookland. Sometimes, when I click on Facebook and the home page opens up, I glance over to see if I've gotten any new friend requests, hoping that maybe today is the day that someone interesting from my past is seeking me out. Well, today was a day when that small hope was realized. Although it wasn't a friend request per se, because it came via a message in my inbox, I'll count it just the same. Here is the message I received, "last time i saw you, you were in my... whats up...when are you coming home for a visit, we should pick up where we..." T.

I'll fill in the missing parts. First off, this message is from a guy, T., that I went to high school with almost 30 years ago (2011 will be 30th reunion!) and I last saw him at my high school class's 20th reunion. My freshman year I had the biggest crush on him. He played tennis and pulled off preppy in an avant-garde way (although I'm sure he wasn't trying and didn't know it, which is why it worked for me). When he writes: last time I saw you, you were in my... the next word would be: bed. Yep, I went to drop him off at his home after a late night (early morning) of partying with friends at my place. He invited me in. Kissing on the couch led to cuddling in the bedroom. And that's it. Nothing happened.

For a couple of reasons. One, we were both completely tired from the night's events, and two, I had another guy back at my house! Yep, I had my 8th grade boyfriend, G., whom I had drifted away from during high school, back there waiting for me to return. It's not that I was neccessarily more interested in getting back to G. rather than staying with T., but when you've left someone back at your parent's house (they were out of town! and yes, it is too high school for words!) you kind of have a responsibility to not just leave them hanging.

Anyway, long story, barely shorter, I left T. sleeping, went back to my place, found G. sleeping, and decided that's what I needed to be doing too. So, I went into another bedroom climbed into a single bed and fell fast asleep. However, shortly thereafter, G. found me, crawled into bed with me and fun started to ensue. But if you can go back and remember the last time you tried to get-down-and-get-back-up-again in a single bed (if you ever did) then you know that it's not conducive to the kind of fun that might be FUN! So we went back to my parent's king size bed (again, I know, so high school) and let the games* begin!

So, getting back to today's message from T. about, "...we should pick up where we..." I finished reading and thought, ya know, I think we should! Unfortunately, my second thought was that I've gained a few pounds since then. But hey, he's probably lost a few more strands of hair on his head!

And as for making progress toward dreaming miracles and manifesting my desires I'd say this is exactly the kind of thing that W.H. Murray meant from the quote I wrote of in my previous post. Not to say that this one little thing is "it" but that these are the kind of messages (literally and symbolically) that tell me to keep BELIEVING.

*Fun times but not the "whole-nine-yards." Yeah, I know, lame, but that was me then...

Pain

Sometime in the fall of 2007, just before my 44th birthday, my headaches came back with a vengeance. I ended up in the emergency room. The pain was so bad I was vomiting. In the ER they gave me a morphine drip that didn't even put a dent in the pain. Finally they dripped enough to knock me out.

In the month between the onset of the headaches and getting in to see a neurologist and getting the right meds prescribed I was laid up in my bed. If I lifted my head I had excruciating pain so I didn't lift it. My 44th birthday cake was brought to me in bed and somehow I enjoyed it from a prone position.

But during that month of being bed-ridden and watching the fall days drift by my window I started to change in some small, but perceptible way. And to my amazement I was able to thank my pain for being there. I said that. "Thank you headaches. Thank you pain. I know that you are serving a purpose, one that is going to teach me something that I need to learn, and so I thank you!"

I re-read some of the self-help books that had been on my bookshelves for the past 25 years. My mom lovingly gave me this for my birthday. I bought this book which I thought was really helpful in keeping me focused and dreaming big. I made kind of a guided imagery audio tape for what I wanted my life to be and I listened to it religiously each night as I drifted off to sleep.

I valued the following passage from W.H. Murray's The Scottish Himalayan Expedition:

Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness concerning all acts of initiative and creation. There is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans; that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen events, meetings and material assistance which no one could have dreamed would have come their way.

I had spent so many years listening to the voice inside of me just berating me about so much in my life: what I did or didn't do, what I said or didn't say, why I was or wasn't this way or that, finally I said back, "Enough is enough!" And I took control.