"What we think determines what happens to us, so if we want to change our lives, we need to stretch our minds." ~ Wayne Dyer
Just another older woman having the family she always wanted.
Saturday, May 7, 2016
Sunday, March 6, 2016
One Good Turn Deserves Another
"Don't let the fear of the time it will take to accomplish something stand in the way of your doing it. The time will pass anyway; we might just as well put that passing time to the best possible use." ~ Earl Nightingale
I was checking my Yahoo email account and, as so often happens with me, I got pulled into an article with the following headline:
For one thing, it says that the surrogate Susan Ring is 54 and gave birth to the twins towards the end of 2001. So that would put her around 39 years old when she was asked to carry a pregnancy! But then it says she went on to be a surrogate for three more families... which would lead me to believe she was acting as a surrogate well into her 40's. And further, the article says that she had her last child in 2012... that would be when she was 48!
But interesting on top of interesting... the final thing she says in the article is that she now is the one looking for a surrogate, "A lot of women know when they're done having babies and I never got that memo."
Good for her!
I was checking my Yahoo email account and, as so often happens with me, I got pulled into an article with the following headline:
Surrogate Mom Gives Birth to Baby Girl with Serious Birth Defects Despite Parents' Order to Abort: 'She Is Everything I Believed She Would Be
I read that article only to be attracted - while reading it - to the headline of another article on the same website. That headline was:Parents Shockingly Back Out on Surrogate Mom Pregnant With Twins: 'It's Your Problem Now'
I read with curiosity but then it ended up being interesting for a couple of different reason.For one thing, it says that the surrogate Susan Ring is 54 and gave birth to the twins towards the end of 2001. So that would put her around 39 years old when she was asked to carry a pregnancy! But then it says she went on to be a surrogate for three more families... which would lead me to believe she was acting as a surrogate well into her 40's. And further, the article says that she had her last child in 2012... that would be when she was 48!
But interesting on top of interesting... the final thing she says in the article is that she now is the one looking for a surrogate, "A lot of women know when they're done having babies and I never got that memo."
Good for her!
Sunday, February 28, 2016
LOL
"I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party." ~ Ron White
I just started watching this show on Amazon Prime called Catastrophe. It is really pretty damn funny. I'm only on the second episode and I have actually lol'd a few times. lol. It's a about an "older" woman who gets pregnant from a one-night stand... kinda exactly what I was hoping would happen to me. And, truthfully, in my dreams, I always got knocked up with a guy as funny and awkwardly cute as the character Rob in the show. Oh, well, not yet, but at least the show is making my (sorta) dreams come to life! : )
I just started watching this show on Amazon Prime called Catastrophe. It is really pretty damn funny. I'm only on the second episode and I have actually lol'd a few times. lol. It's a about an "older" woman who gets pregnant from a one-night stand... kinda exactly what I was hoping would happen to me. And, truthfully, in my dreams, I always got knocked up with a guy as funny and awkwardly cute as the character Rob in the show. Oh, well, not yet, but at least the show is making my (sorta) dreams come to life! : )
Saturday, January 9, 2016
My Policy is to Hope
"Hope lies in dreams, in imagination, and in the courage of those who dare to make dreams into reality." ~ Jonas Salk
This past Wednesday I had another procedure done at the hospital; I'm still trying to figure out what is causing my severe, chronic nausea. But the reason I'm writing about my procedure is because I found the admittance process to be different than it was a year ago when I was last there.
This time, when the nurse came in to do my evaluation, check vitals, etc. she just simply told me I needed to give a urine sample to make sure I wasn't pregnant. That was a HUGE difference from previous times being admitted to this hospital.
Previously, the nurse would ask for the date of my last period. This time they didn't even bother asking anything at all about whether or not I was still having periods, or if I was menopausal, or anything of that nature... all they cared about was getting the urine sample and making sure it came back negative!
I found this new hospital policy to be very hopeful to any older women who are trying to get pregnant, for, to me, at least, it seems clear that something is going on, some place, and most likely in that hospital group, wherein being 52 is in no way a reason FOR NOT CHECKING FOR PREGNANCY!
I actually have the feeling that even had I been 54 their policy would still be to do a urine check for pregnancy before allowing a procedure.
So, yeah, I think there is a definite message to all of this, and that is: that some woman/women are 52 - or even older! - and they were found - surprising as it may have been to them, AND the hospital! - to be pregnant. A hospital doesn't just whimsically make hospital policy without there having been a precedent set for needing to make it!
This past Wednesday I had another procedure done at the hospital; I'm still trying to figure out what is causing my severe, chronic nausea. But the reason I'm writing about my procedure is because I found the admittance process to be different than it was a year ago when I was last there.
This time, when the nurse came in to do my evaluation, check vitals, etc. she just simply told me I needed to give a urine sample to make sure I wasn't pregnant. That was a HUGE difference from previous times being admitted to this hospital.
Previously, the nurse would ask for the date of my last period. This time they didn't even bother asking anything at all about whether or not I was still having periods, or if I was menopausal, or anything of that nature... all they cared about was getting the urine sample and making sure it came back negative!
I found this new hospital policy to be very hopeful to any older women who are trying to get pregnant, for, to me, at least, it seems clear that something is going on, some place, and most likely in that hospital group, wherein being 52 is in no way a reason FOR NOT CHECKING FOR PREGNANCY!
I actually have the feeling that even had I been 54 their policy would still be to do a urine check for pregnancy before allowing a procedure.
So, yeah, I think there is a definite message to all of this, and that is: that some woman/women are 52 - or even older! - and they were found - surprising as it may have been to them, AND the hospital! - to be pregnant. A hospital doesn't just whimsically make hospital policy without there having been a precedent set for needing to make it!
Tuesday, January 5, 2016
No Coincidences in Life
"There are no mistakes, no coincidences. All events are blessings given to us to learn from." ~ Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
My thinking is, that if - with all the stimuli one has bombarding them throughout the day - some one thing stands out in such a way as to make you fully conscious of it, whether it is because you "feel" the "coincidence" of the thing, or the "synchronicity" of whatever has happened - especially because you were made aware of it - it is meant for you to acknowledge, give thought to, and even appreciate.
In my mind, those events are like messages - signs - that are God's way of "talking" with you. If you ever feel like you only ever have one-way conversations with God, I would encourage you to open your eyes, ears and heart to the way in which he is best able to express vividly his thoughts or desires for you. And, if you ask for that kind of "conversation," I believe you will be astonished out how often it can take place.
I seem to ask for "conversations" all the time, I suppose because I am one of the "thee of little faith." I'm always - especially when still faced so strongly with the, as yet, unfulfilled longings of my heart and soul - on the look-out for whatever "patterns" come to me to help keep me dreaming in miracles.
I'm writing all of this because I had, what I would consider, a very synchronistic, "coincidental" event happen from last night to today.
Last night I read an article with the headline:
Bicycle Girl • a day ago
She's 46 for crying out loud! How can a maternal dinosaur be pregnant when her eggs are nothing but dust in the wind? Her breeding days are over. She has more than enough kids already.
7 • Reply•Share
Of course, me being me, I felt the need to make a reply. But first I wanted to get my facts straight. So I googled some of the late-in-life celebrity pregnancies. Though numerous names popped up, I used Halle Berry because I felt like she was probably the most well known. And so wrote to Bicycle Girl saying:
L Bicycle Girl • 21 hours ago
Umm... Halle Berry had her most recent baby at 47 years old... pretty sure her baby is not a dinosaur! But if you want to spend time being misogynist over age, well, I guess that's what the internet is for!
2 • Edit• Reply•Share ›
Needless to say, Bicycle Girl's response was less than kind... like, way less! lol!
But what had happened when I googled the "late-in-life celebrity pregnancies" was that I was reminded of Geena Davis and how she had had her first child at 46 years old and then at 48 gave birth to twins. I thought on that a bit and was like, that's great for Geena Davis, but I'm four years older than that!
Now, I know I had googled, once before, pregnancy over age 50 - most likely when I turned 50 - but that was two long years ago and last night I had the thought to google it again to see if anything "new" had developed. It hadn't. My browser history highlighted that I had read just about every story of woman over 50 having kids. I think their were two women who had unplanned pregnancies - meaning the babies were naturally conceived - at age 53, but that had now been a couple of years ago. I decided I better quit that particular search before I felt a sense of frustration and got pulled down by any negative thoughts regarding my situation. And then today arrived.
Today, I get on my laptop to read my email and thanks to Yahoo! News I saw the headline:
Swiss billionaire Margarita Louis-Dreyfus, 53, pregnant with twins*
That caught my attention! But for a second I was confused. I was like, didn't I just google last night woman over 50 who got pregnant? Why didn't this woman come up last night in my search? So, I scrolled to the byline to see when the article was written and it read:
January 4, 2016
That's when I thought, "there are no coincidences in life." The synchronicity of having googled the night before a search on women pregnant over 50 and come up "empty-handed" without anything new - in the past two years! - only to be faced the next day with a fresh-off-the-press, 2016 headline regarding this latest woman to get pregnant over 50 seemed like a good enough "conversation" with God for me.**
And then, as if God wanted to add just a bit more to the conversation, I noticed the last name of the article's writer. When I first glanced at it I read, "Blessing" which, upon a double-take, I re-read as it is, Blessig. But that only encouraged me to see that the first name was Marie-Noëlle. Now most people know that Marie is derived from the name Mary. And many are familiar that Noël means Christmas. Well, when I give the name Mary thought, I always think of Mary the mother of Christ, and I also - along with Sarah - always recall that God sent an angel to her to prophecy his birth. When I add up all of these thoughts that go through my head, I could wonder, "Why did all these strange thoughts just go through my head?" Or, because I have come closer to understanding my own personal relationship with God and the way I have come to feel he carries on a "conversation" with me, I take it all in as a hope-filled sign. It doesn't matter that I don't quite understand the whole "conversation," only that I get a "feeling" of hope that it provides... and at this point in my journey - neophyte sign-watcher and God to L conversationalist-interpretor that I am - I can't ask for much more.
Everybody has their way of talking to God... it just so happens that my most recent "conversation" came by means of Yahoo! and Google!
*I'm not going to dwell on whether or not this woman used donor eggs - though usually I do, because, though that option is the right one for many women, it isn't the option I'm seeking for myself - because now days I do think that there are many more woman - like myself - who have previously frozen their own eggs and thus, though not a "natural" pregnancy still have the ability to have biological children of their own.
**When I speak of God I use the male tense... that's just me... I grew up thinking of God like that and speaking of God like that; I'm used to it. But by no means do I believe God can only be viewed in male imagery or words. As the Bible tells us we - all - were created in God's image... to me, that means, God is representative of both the feminine and the masculine. But even more truly in my thoughts, I doubt we can even comprehend what form or kind of being God really encompasses... only that he encompasses us!
Tuesday, December 1, 2015
Timing
"It ain't over till it's over." ~ Yogi Berra
If you're older and you want to have that baby... just let Life show you how miracles are all around... no matter who you are!
Wednesday, September 2, 2015
M.I.A.
"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
I know. I've been missing-in-action for the last several... months. I guess there are a multitude of reasons, some more compelling than the others. But I think it probably, most likely, boiled down to just blogger burn-out.
I mean, I know why I started writing this blog: it was basically to chronicle my journey to a miracle - hence the blog's name, Dreaming Miracles. I'm not sure how to write what I felt - and still feel - in a humble enough way for people reading to understand where I was coming from, but I'll give it a try.
I felt called. Like, as in, yes, a "calling" by God. Yep, just as I thought, you can not get around trying to seem humble when you tell someone you felt that you were called by God to do some particular thing!
However, what I think is, everyone is called at different times in their life to do something that God really wants them to do; called to do something that was chosen particularly for them, by and through their own uniqueness. It's only a matter of if - when you were "Nudged" - you took that feeling; the "Nudge" - as being from God? Did you hear it, feel it, sense it, see it? And when you got the "Nudge" did you ignore it, or did you follow where it led?
Well, like I said, my "Nudge" was to write a blog about being older, single, unmarried - with no prospects! - and wanting to find not only love in the form of a husband, but to get pregnant and have biological children of my own. I wanted the family I had dreamed of since I was four years old and understood what it was to want a wish come true.
And the "Nudge" told me - I suppose the "told" was more like a persistent thought that one day seemed to get zapped into my head from out of nowhere - that I needed to write about my journey to attaining my miracle so that when I got the miracle someone could see that it wasn't like magic, but it that it was all about Faith... and that Faith wasn't a straight road easily followed, but that it had many curves; curves that could take you up peaks and down into valleys. The "Nudge" wanted me to write whatever and wherever the journey led; it wanted every curve, every peak, every valley, and every "accident" that tore me or smashed me up along the way, publicly written - date-stamped - down. The "Nudge" told me that everything I wrote would be important later. The "Nudge" didn't let me know when "later" would be, only that "later" would be the miracle, and "later" would be the end of this one particular story.
As I imagine is often the case, when a matter is between God and oneself, the next persistent thoughts were why I shouldn't pay attention to the "Nudge." "You're not a writer!" Resistance said. "Hell," Resistance reminded me, "you're not even good at grammar!" Resistance belly-ache laughed when telling me, "You go from past-tense to present-tense and don't even know it!!!"
Now why would that be? Why would - when you have something that you feel God particularly wants you to do for some good purpose - you would be confronted with the swift mockery of Resistance that follows the "Nudge?" I can't be positive, but I believe it is because miracles are special gifts; really, really special gifts, and I think that sometimes, in order that one be given to you, God wants to know that you have the Faith it takes to fully, completely, and sincerely appreciate it... to the point where, when you go out and say to the world you got your miracle, you had been through the "fire;" you'd been tested and come out stronger than you ever thought to imagine your strength could be.
But, for all Resistance efforts at trying to have me ignore the "Nudge," none of them worked; the "Nudge" was so powerful; the "Nudge," I believe, was Faith, itself! And I took that leap off the plank... I decided to try my best to follow Faith on an uncharted journey and I began to write.
I've written for over 5 1/2 years now and nothing has changed in regards to my attaining my miracles - the dreams of my soul - except that I have gotten older. I could dwell on that negatively - the only getting older part - but I try my best to understand that that means the miracle has become even greater.
I didn't stop writing this blog the past several months because I had lost Faith in my miracle; I haven't. My Faith still fluctuates just as it always has... though I think I may have learned how to tighten my grip better when I feel it trying to slip away... I still believe! I stopped writing because it felt like it didn't matter; like no one cared if I did it, or didn't do it.
I guess, I just got tired of feeling alone in this "blogosphere;" alone, wherein, I write and write and write, but I never have anyone express thoughts, at all, about anything I have to say!
I wrote this blog for five years and never really felt like I needed to be supported; needed to be encouraged. And I wasn't sure why it was, that after all the years that passed, I somehow all the sudden deemed that I needed something from my readers... that I needed to know if any part of what I had to say meant anything, to anyone, at any time?
I never did figure out the answer to that question before I just decided that it shouldn't matter - at least that's not what my priority in writing my blog ever was before and should be now.
I decided that I needed to just write for me; I needed to just write because to me this journey I'm on is as exciting as going to any foreign lands. Hell, this journey is ALL foreign land... and it's with out a map, much less, an itinerary... and as I've learned - because it's the way I travel to real foreign lands! - not knowing anything about where I'm going, what I'm doing, or how things can possibly "work out" is the most exciting - and life-changing part of the journeying experience. All the personal growth I've gotten while traveling has been when - faced with the unknown - I've just said, "Fuck it," and proceeded on... even when things went wrong, I kept going... until they were made right.
I know. I've been missing-in-action for the last several... months. I guess there are a multitude of reasons, some more compelling than the others. But I think it probably, most likely, boiled down to just blogger burn-out.
I mean, I know why I started writing this blog: it was basically to chronicle my journey to a miracle - hence the blog's name, Dreaming Miracles. I'm not sure how to write what I felt - and still feel - in a humble enough way for people reading to understand where I was coming from, but I'll give it a try.
I felt called. Like, as in, yes, a "calling" by God. Yep, just as I thought, you can not get around trying to seem humble when you tell someone you felt that you were called by God to do some particular thing!
However, what I think is, everyone is called at different times in their life to do something that God really wants them to do; called to do something that was chosen particularly for them, by and through their own uniqueness. It's only a matter of if - when you were "Nudged" - you took that feeling; the "Nudge" - as being from God? Did you hear it, feel it, sense it, see it? And when you got the "Nudge" did you ignore it, or did you follow where it led?
Well, like I said, my "Nudge" was to write a blog about being older, single, unmarried - with no prospects! - and wanting to find not only love in the form of a husband, but to get pregnant and have biological children of my own. I wanted the family I had dreamed of since I was four years old and understood what it was to want a wish come true.
And the "Nudge" told me - I suppose the "told" was more like a persistent thought that one day seemed to get zapped into my head from out of nowhere - that I needed to write about my journey to attaining my miracle so that when I got the miracle someone could see that it wasn't like magic, but it that it was all about Faith... and that Faith wasn't a straight road easily followed, but that it had many curves; curves that could take you up peaks and down into valleys. The "Nudge" wanted me to write whatever and wherever the journey led; it wanted every curve, every peak, every valley, and every "accident" that tore me or smashed me up along the way, publicly written - date-stamped - down. The "Nudge" told me that everything I wrote would be important later. The "Nudge" didn't let me know when "later" would be, only that "later" would be the miracle, and "later" would be the end of this one particular story.
As I imagine is often the case, when a matter is between God and oneself, the next persistent thoughts were why I shouldn't pay attention to the "Nudge." "You're not a writer!" Resistance said. "Hell," Resistance reminded me, "you're not even good at grammar!" Resistance belly-ache laughed when telling me, "You go from past-tense to present-tense and don't even know it!!!"
Now why would that be? Why would - when you have something that you feel God particularly wants you to do for some good purpose - you would be confronted with the swift mockery of Resistance that follows the "Nudge?" I can't be positive, but I believe it is because miracles are special gifts; really, really special gifts, and I think that sometimes, in order that one be given to you, God wants to know that you have the Faith it takes to fully, completely, and sincerely appreciate it... to the point where, when you go out and say to the world you got your miracle, you had been through the "fire;" you'd been tested and come out stronger than you ever thought to imagine your strength could be.
But, for all Resistance efforts at trying to have me ignore the "Nudge," none of them worked; the "Nudge" was so powerful; the "Nudge," I believe, was Faith, itself! And I took that leap off the plank... I decided to try my best to follow Faith on an uncharted journey and I began to write.
I've written for over 5 1/2 years now and nothing has changed in regards to my attaining my miracles - the dreams of my soul - except that I have gotten older. I could dwell on that negatively - the only getting older part - but I try my best to understand that that means the miracle has become even greater.
I didn't stop writing this blog the past several months because I had lost Faith in my miracle; I haven't. My Faith still fluctuates just as it always has... though I think I may have learned how to tighten my grip better when I feel it trying to slip away... I still believe! I stopped writing because it felt like it didn't matter; like no one cared if I did it, or didn't do it.
I guess, I just got tired of feeling alone in this "blogosphere;" alone, wherein, I write and write and write, but I never have anyone express thoughts, at all, about anything I have to say!
I wrote this blog for five years and never really felt like I needed to be supported; needed to be encouraged. And I wasn't sure why it was, that after all the years that passed, I somehow all the sudden deemed that I needed something from my readers... that I needed to know if any part of what I had to say meant anything, to anyone, at any time?
I never did figure out the answer to that question before I just decided that it shouldn't matter - at least that's not what my priority in writing my blog ever was before and should be now.
I decided that I needed to just write for me; I needed to just write because to me this journey I'm on is as exciting as going to any foreign lands. Hell, this journey is ALL foreign land... and it's with out a map, much less, an itinerary... and as I've learned - because it's the way I travel to real foreign lands! - not knowing anything about where I'm going, what I'm doing, or how things can possibly "work out" is the most exciting - and life-changing part of the journeying experience. All the personal growth I've gotten while traveling has been when - faced with the unknown - I've just said, "Fuck it," and proceeded on... even when things went wrong, I kept going... until they were made right.
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